Over the weekend, I was catching up on some Greys Anatomy (one of my all-time favourite TV series,) and watched an episode titled ‘What If?’ I’ve always been a bit of a fatalist and it made me think about something that often crosses my mind… what if my life had been different?
Everybody has defining moments in life I believe and whilst they may not be dramatic, they all serve to influence the path we take. I’m always curious as to whether those moments, choices or not, would really affect the way life turns out, or if it’s fate. Would we find ourselves in the same places regardless of the moments in between.
Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors (1998)
My defining moment will always be losing my Dad. That might sound an obvious statement, but looking back, I think it changed my outlook on life, my personality, and went on to influence my choice of career. It was seeing my Dad after various trips to the specialists around the country that made me first think of medicine as a career and probably helped me to get my place in medical school too.
It’s wider reaching than that though. Before my Dad was ill we had such similar personalities that we argued a lot in terrible stand off’s of my Dad asserting his parental authority in the face of my youthful defiance. I firmly believe if I hadn’t had the unfortunate walk-up call that he wouldn’t always be there and life had gone on as normal, we might have continued to spar like that for years to come. I might have not only taken a different career path but have chosen to go much further from home for University, to achieve the independence I craved.
People often talk about regrets in life and it’s fashionable to say you have none, but the one thing I regret bitterly is that my Dad never met Pete. But if my Dad had been around and my life hadn’t taken me to medicine in Manchester, would there have even been a Pete for Dad to meet? And that’s when the fatalist in me kicks in. Some things in life feel so concrete, that it’s hard to imagine them not existing. I like to think however life had gone, I’d still have ended up with Pete, two halves of a whole.
That of course, is exactly how the episode of Greys turned out… Meredith gravitating towards Derek, Cali and Arizona’s eyes meeting, you get the idea. It left me thinking, how many of you have had a defining moment in life and have you ever wondered how different life would be if you had take different decisions or not experienced certain life events. Do you believe in fate?
Love,
Rebecca
xo
Everything happens for a reason. Even the saddest, most terrible things to happen to you send you on a path that eventually bring you to something that gives you a reason for surviving the pain.
That’s what keeps me going on dark days anyway – and has certainly been the case in my life
I loved that episode of Grey’s. I often think about how easy it would have been to not meet my husband, but as we kept meeting but not quite meeting so many times before we eventually got together I think it must have been fate!
I don’t know whether it’s right to say I believe in fate, but the path of my life has definitely been changed as a result of events out of my control. I’ve wondered whether if things had been different I wouldn’t have met my wonderful other half ( we’re from opposite ends of the country, no mutual friends etc) but he assures me he would have found me anyway, soppy eh? I haven’t seen said episode of Grays, but have always loved Sliding Doors!
I always thought that ‘everything happens for a reason’ but after the last few months, I find that very hard to believe. At the moment, I can’t imagine ever looking back and thinking that this is where I am supposed to be.
However, at the same time, I have to believe there is a reason why I am where I am, or I can’t find a reason to keep going in the face of such random unfairness.
I realise this makes no sense!
P.s. I LOVE Grays Anatomy and strongly believe that if I hadn’t met my husband, the fictional Dr Mark Sloane would be my perfect man!
The horrible things that happened to me gave me an amazing strength and got me where I am today and thought I am not keen on some aspects, I love the life I’ve been able to achieve as I unlocked that strength.
My defining moment is not one I would tend to share online but it really made me see what I could do and who I could be when I reached deep inside myself. It was wretched at the time but completely life changing and made me sit up and take notice of myself. I still need to remind myself to do that from time to time, but it made me see more than I did before and for that I am grateful.
Yes, my life took a different turn after a stint in hospital at 18. I came out of hospital, and changed my choice of degree and university. I do sometimes wonder what would have been without this, and would I have ever met Andy.
I kind of believe in fate, just not fully convinced.
xx
Fate is a funny thing. I’m still not sure if I believe in it. I do wonder though.
I have had some funny ‘sliding door’ moments in my life though and I often think that perhaps something else controlling what happens to me.
Having my little baby girl changed my life and she came at a point when I was very low. So many things had happened that year and we were just about to start IVF after three years of trying. The day I was due to start my injections – I found out that I had fallen naturally.
A similar story with the meeting of my husband. Fate? Who knows. Your post has got me thinking though… x
Ooh a tricky one! I’m still not sure where I stand in the whole ‘fate debate’.
In my head I believe that life is what you make of it. I don’t like to think that everything happens for a reason (far too many horrible things happening in the world for this to sit well with me) but that it’s how you choose to deal with the negative situations thrown at you that shapes your life. I can imagine that it would have been very easy to take a different view on your dad’s illness and be filled with anger and resentment but instead you chose to do something positive with it.
But then I like to believe in the whole ‘romanticism’ of fate. Did fate put me and my future husband in the same bar, on the same night, at a time when we were both single? Was it fate that I didn’t get offered a job until my dream job came along? Was it fate that our dream house (that we originally lost out on) came back on the market when it was a better time for us to buy?
So my non-committal answer is that I think as long as you don’t spend your life waiting for the good things to just happen or worrying about the things that didn’t go according to plan then it doesn’t really matter whether its fate or not!
I’m a true believer in fate and really think this is how I have met my husband and now have a wonderful life and beautiful son. I was in a relationship for a very long time (8 years) with a guy who I thought was the one. It took a lot of courage to change the situation, since growing up together and spending the majority of your 20s together, plus getting engaged was pretty much life-mapping, but we both knew it was wrong. Shortly after (6 months) I met Richard through work… things I wouldn’t have been doing prior to the breakup. Fate definitely had a hand in bringing us together.