Tick Tock goes your Biological Clock

Having been married three years now, it’s just over 2 years since I first wrote about marriage and the B-word. Babies. Or should that be broody? I can’t deny that the whole starting-a-family thing hasn’t been far from my mind, but since turning thirty? It’s been uppermost nearly every day.


All images courtesy of Julia Ford at Julia and Mia

Last time I posted about babies, I talked about the incessant ‘when are you going to start trying’ chatter childless couples seem to be subjected to these days, and I’m sure many of you can identify with that. I think I counted about three people who had the audacity to ask us on our wedding day, but it turns out it wasn’t such an audacious thought as friend after friend of mine has celebrated their first anniversary with a tiny baby. Me? I spent my first in The Scarlet, a fancy restaurant in Manchester and then most recently Las Vegas. Spot the difference?

I wouldn’t say it has been the easiest ride. Of course the simplest route is to do nothing, postpone having children, carry on with the life you are comfortable with, but second guessing yourself, weighing up the options, trying to decide if you want to grow-a-living-thing-inside-you-right-now-and-change-your-life-forever? Now that is not an easy decision. I’ve even had friends challenge my decision, perhaps trying to justify their own.


All images courtesy of Julia Ford at Julia and Mia

I’ve heard people say a thousand times there’s no right time to have children, if you wait for the right time, you can wait forever. But I kind of think there is. On the one hand, I want to be in a home that isn’t going to provoke ridiculous stress about where visiting relatives stay to help with the baby, where I want to not have to negotiate a pushchair and baby seat and bouncer every time I walk through the front door. I don’t want the stress of moving with a small baby, or the worry about money when one does arrive. I want to be able to afford to maintain our lifestyle. As it is right now, because I do locum work, I won’t get maternity pay unless I find a different job and I’m not prepared to settle for the wrong job and be miserable. Add to that my packed schedule and Florence Finds and I occasionally reach something of a mental impasse. I mean, how many fashion or lifestyle bogglers do you see rocking the latest maternity fashions?! There are days when I barely brush my hair already, without having to put a tiny human being before everything, 24 hours a day.


All images courtesy of Julia Ford at Julia and Mia

Things have slowly started to change though. After countless worried conversations with Pete about whether I would ever be ready to start a family and odd days spent with friends who have children that whilst enjoyable, had me longing to return to my bubble of two, I find myself thinking, not if but when. Suddenly other people’s kids have gone from exhausting to fascinating. I’m starting to realise that I might never be that woman, the one who coos over every baby she passes and always wistfully talks about ‘having another baby,‘ but whilst my biological clock was resolutely silent before, it’s been faintly clicking into motion, whirring and ticking like something as foreign to me as the thought of having a baby was previously.


All images courtesy of Julia Ford at Julia and Mia

Then there’s the old ‘what if it doesn’t go to plan?‘ thought, niggling away at the back of my mind. A voice I didn’t really hear before, it’s like an uncomfortable label in your trousers that itches all day demanding your attention. I’ve always worried about my fertility, for the good reason that my Mum had an early menopause. She had trouble having both me and my sister at 36 and 42 respectively and then couldn’t have any more. Nearly everyone has a family member or friend who took a long time to fall pregnant or needed treatment, but until now, all my friends had been the other way, falling pregnant within a month or two after worrying that couple might be them. More recently however, more than one couple in our circle of friends has found themselves needing medical help in their quest to start a family. It has certainly made me think and in hindsight, although I loathe the scaremongering that makes women think they should try sooner rather than later, maybe it only makes you think hard when you realise how important a family is to you.

The other thing that’s swaying me? Pete. His enthusiasm for starting a family is contagious, the way he is with other people’s kids makes me want that for us, to give him the best present I could ever bestow. Having come from a family of basically three, being a part of Pete’s is enlightening. Gaining an extended family of cousins and their new partners, having a niece and new nephew who are excited to have their own cousins makes me want to add to the family, create that for my children, continue the next generation.


All images courtesy of Julia Ford at Julia and Mia

So I think there is a right time, when you want children desperately and I think I can finally say with relief tinging my voice, that time is coming. In the meantime… you’ll find me on Expedia booking that last holiday!

So many of you uncannily share my thoughts and I know a lot of you are pregnant or have a baby, maybe are trying already or planning to start a family soon. Maybe you’re still exactly where I was 2 years ago, nothing wrong with that, or maybe it’s not happening quite the way you expected. I’d love to hear your thoughts as always readers…

Love,
Rebecca
xo

Images throughout this post are all by my very talented friend, Julia. A superb wedding photographer, she now also does newborn, baby and family shots under the name Julia and Mia, named after her daughter. I’d highly recommend looking her up if you’re in the Essex area or have any friends there with babies. Super cute, right?

91 thoughts on “Tick Tock goes your Biological Clock

  1. Rebecca, how do you always seem to pick a subject thats so on my mind and write about it so eloquently? I am very broody, but also have concerns about how a little person would change our lives, how would work and a baby go together (or not?) It was our first wedding anniversary last week and the subject of babies came up, and we realised last night, that of all the 5 weddings we have been to over the last couple of years, all the brides are now pregnant! All my friends have fallen really quickly, and at 33, I don’t want to leave it too late and then cause massive heartache. I know there’s never a right time, but as my husband isn’t totally sure yet, I know its not now, but I hope it does happen soon ish. xx

  2. Because I’m such a lawyer: even though you might not be entitled to statutory maternity pay through an employer, you should be entitled to Maternity Allowance for 39 weeks. Every little helps!

    I hear you on this, Rebecca. Right time, wrong time, now, soon, never… how do you know when, or even whether, to jump?

    I was surprised to hear you mention worrying about the blog, in terms of content at least – I always think when a style/lifestyle blogger gets pregnant it’s just another string to her bow. As you say, lots of your readers are probably in a similar stage of life, and would love to hear how you would stay stylish while rocking a bump and, later, a baby. There are so many cool and inspiring bloggers who are mothers who don’t fall into the dreaded “mommyblogger” category, and I’m sure you’d pull it off with aplomb, just like you did when you moved from weddings to FF – if anyone can do it, it’s you, lady.

    • Aw thanks Kirsty :) I worry that it would turn readers off… but that is always my worry with FF, the diversity, when I think I should accept that it is my strength!

      Thanks for the encouragement though. The Mat pay to be honest isn’t much of an issue. I’d rather go without, (without sounding blasé) than take a job just to have it. Even now though as I’m thinking about finding a permanent job, I feel like my childlessness is a glaring beacon that will make people pass over me. You actually can do that in medicine. It’s not against the law because it’s a partnership rather than employment. Not cool.

      • I for one would love to see a post or two about maternity fashion – also alternative things to drink that the dreaded and not-to-my-taste Schloer drinks!, ideas and thoughts on being a yummy mummy and inspiration for nurseries too! (Can you tell i’m 4.5 months pregnant and its overtaking my thoughts!)

      • Hi Ladies, What a great subject……I have always wanted children and to get to my 30″s and discover that i had terrible trouble try to concieve was an absolute shock!! I had undergone several operations (tubal removal x 2) then i had to undergo IVF, i must admit that all my feelings and fears that i may never be a mummy were so strong i found it very hard to carry on with everyday life.
        I eventually underwent my first cycle of IVF, and god only knows what happened after being told (because of my age) i had to implant x2 eggs in, which was all i had produced i had to change my mindset and think positve.
        10 days into having my eggs implanted i began to feel “strange” and yes ladies i was pregnant!!!
        First attempt and what a SHOCK!!!!
        I delivered my son naturally at 34 wks, he could not wait to meet us!! He weighed less than 4lb, but was our bundle of joy!!
        He has just turned 3, and omg i could not imagine our lives without him!!! We have become a little family and all my dreams have been answered
        I delivered at the age of 36! I do still crave for another child but as i am about to “40″ in sept i feel we should be happy and concentrate on what we do have and not what we don”t.
        If that make sense to you ladies? I feel so sad for my son that he is an only child but we give him all our time,love and “playtime” he attends a nursery so he gets to interact with other childen but i wish i could have given him a brother or sister ;-(

        I thank God every night that i was blessed with my gorgeous son, he has made my life complete!! And the love you feel for your child is unbelievable!!!
        If like me, some Ladies out there have to undergo “Medical Assistance” I can tell you first hand that the care and support i had was second to none! And i am grateful for all those involved. ;-) xxxxx

    • I agree with Kirsty – it would only add to the blog, not take away from it! (As long as you could still find time of course!)
      Very timely post Rebecca. I’m in a similar situation (although not 30 until October) I’m pretty happy with life as it is and we just recently have enough money to enjoy holidays, going out and the odd new top in the sales!
      Our house isn’t ideal for a family (small and in a dodgy area!),my career isn’t quite yet where I want it to be and the maternity pay is only basic, plus, we have no savings, and still a few debts… but to be honest I am now in the camp of you could wait and plan forvever, and circumstances still won’t ever be perfect. It would take a really long time for all of the above to change, so we’re thinking we’ll just see what happens and go with it then. I can see that wouldn’t be right for everyone though – and I admire people who can be organised and realistic about finances and what they want from life!! x

  3. What a fascinating post Rebecca! I don’t think I can add much to the mix, other than saying you outlined my thoughts exactly… and it’s so refeshing to hear the other (non-broody) side of the story. I’m 32, have been married for three years, and whilst I don’t feel pressure to have children, the thought is now naturally in my mind… always! I agree – I’m the kind of person who’ll never be 100% ready but I also don’t want to look back in 10/15 years time saying ‘what if’. Maybe one day soon…

    Loved reading this… thank you! x

  4. I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant, and this is a much planned for and wanted pregnancy. However, that doesn’t make it any less scary, nor does it eradicate all of the fears that you have described above. However, the biting of the bullet sometimes just makes everything fall in to place. I fell pregnant in a tiny two bed flat, which had been on the market FOREVER…..4 months later we are in our perfect family home.

    I think it is hard when you are used to being in control of every aspect of your life to lay yourself down to the physical and emotional changes that pregnancy brings, and the end of ‘life as you know it’ when the baby comes along.

    As for people asking about babies at the wedding….I have quite a few guest book entries demanding the prompt arrival of babies please and thank you very much. We conceived 10 months after our wedding – but any longer and I think my mother would have been coming to supervise to check we were doing it right!

  5. Brilliant post Rebecca.

    I’m pregnant, seven weeks, so still very early days. It happened first month of trying, which was unexpected. It’s only after I got pregnant that I started worrying about how we could afford it, and how I’d go on working after the baby arrives.

    What I never anticipated, is just how ill I’d feel. I want to have a sleep after lunch, and I’m constantly feeling sickly. I felt so proud of myself for eating tea last night, and then immediately after was sick. Andy doesn’t like me calling our baby a parasite, but that’s how it feels, at the moment. My mum said she had the sickness till week 20. It is so difficult working whilst feeling ill, but nobody told me this, and as a self-employed person, I need to earn as much as possible, before the baby arrives. It’s quite stressful. Twins run in our family, and I have this dreaded feeling that I’m feeling so ill, because its twins.

    Self-employed mothers get nine months maternity allowance, at £125/week, from the government. I know it’s not as good as being in a salaried job, but it will help us.

    Good luck.

    xx

    • Katie, my heart really goes out to you – one of my best friends suffered terribly with morning sickness too. It does seem to be a bit of a lottery, and something nobody really prepares you for. They’ve had their baby now (just one!) and she’s lovely, healthy and happy. The saying goes – the harder the pregnancy, the better behaved the baby is, and it’s certainly been true for them. Also – a baby IS a parasite! In the nicest possible way, but it is. And your feller can give over telling you what to call him/her until he’s had to go through 7 straight weeks of puking up his tea ;)

      Px

      • Katie I had terrible morning sickness too and was completely unprepared for it, especially for the fact that it wasn’t just a morning thing! but since my son was born he’s been an angel. I think a difficult pregnancy prepares you a lot better for coping and I think there may be something in that saying – the harder the pregnancy the better the baby.

        • Aww thank you both. I’m just struggling to stay focused with work, and have productive fee earning days. I’d assumed that I’d work fine when pregnant, and once I had the baby, would soon be back at work and looking after baby at the same time (when baby sleeps computer would be turned on), just popping baby to in-laws or parents, when I have an appointment. It’s only now dawning on me, that it might not be this easy….!! It’s a very stressful time.

          Kind regards

          Katie xx

          • Hang on in there Katie, I felt constantly sick in the first trimester. Almost like I had the worst hangover ever. I’ve felt great in the second though so I’ll keep everything crossed for you.
            One of my closest friends suffered so badly with sickness that she was often hospitalised as she was so dehydrated. She only had one baby each time – and yes, she’s done it twice, even after all that sickness, so it must be worth it in the end!

    • Katie I’m so with you. I totally under-estimate how tough being pregnant is. I’m 22 weeks and sick all the time and keep being referred to the consultant. I love my work and have never had a day off sick but I’m really struggling. I’ve accepted now that I’m going to be this sick until the end and that’s made it easier.

      If it helps, you do get used to it even if you don’t get better. I’ve put coping mechanisms in place and I’ve had to ask for help. My amazing husband has totally stepped up and it has made me realise what a great team we are.

      Good luck xxx

  6. I hear ya!
    I went through the same thoughts for a few years (Im coming up for 35 hubby 37!)
    We have no kids and to be honest I can now finally admit without feeling ashamed that we dont want any.
    We’ve spent hours and hours discussing the good and the not so good about becoming parents but recently our discussions became more about us, us that sounds selfish but that is what we signed up for when we met 10 years ago. We both love our jobs and our freedom. I have nieces and nephews, I see how my brothers and sisters lifes have changed, again the good and not so good.
    We’ve made a “Life List” so to speak of all the things we would like to do from an American road trip to running a half marathon and we’re going to work our way through it and add more as the years progress. Live our dreams.
    Ive had a few comments from friends and family but it is a personal decision that both of us want and not whats society says we should do!
    Im really close to one of my nieces and borrow her for a cuddle, making up dance routines and the change to play with dolls again ;-)

  7. I thought I was completely ready for children, maybe because I knew my husband wanted a bit longer just the two of us I kind of felt safe openly feeling like that as it was all a bit hypothetical. Then I got pregnant 10 days after our wedding…

    It’s still really early days and I’m definitely in denial about that this is actually happening, we are both happy about it (although more nervous than excited). We are VERY lucky in that we are both in stable jobs, have a house with room for the baby and financially we’ll be fine but does all of this mean it’s the right time to have a baby?

    I’m secretly in mourning for what I feel I might have lost…the little family of two that I have loved so much for nearly a decade is going to change forever. I wonder if I’d still have those feelings if the baby had been planned, but I probably would. It’s always going to be a scary time and I’m not a big fan of change (and I was reading We need to talk about Kevin when I found out which didn’t help!)

    Neither of us were desperate for a baby, and I’m glad in a way as it has taken away some of the worry of the first trimester, but I wish we’d have had better reactions when we found out as it wasn’t very fairytale. We are going to have a re-run celebration after the 12 week scan when it’s all a bit more real!

  8. Oh Rebecca, you’ve just summed up everything I went through a little while ago, and still am to some extent, despite what I’m about to say. I am 13 weeks pregnant today. Still a long way to go, but we’re on the right track for now at least. I am elated and terrified in equal measure. I am not a natural. For most of my life so far I could take or leave other people’s babies, whilst always knowing I eventually wanted children, I was not like many of my friends who were really trying hard to hold back from having them. And then something changed. Very similarly to you I suddenly began to love spending time with my friends’ babies, and at the same time my husband became very broody as well, and everything just slotted into place. And then the worry starts about whether you can actually have them easily as you’ve left it so long (I’m nearly 33) all the other things that can go wrong once you’re actually pregnant (this baby business is pretty precarious, to think I have spent most of my adult wife concerned about not getting pregnant!), but you’ve just got to go with it I suppose. And even though both of us want nothing more than to have this baby, we still find ourselves looking at the travel supplements (it was a train across Canada last night) and saying whistfully, oh well, that’s one for retirement. It’s not ideal timing for me career wise either, but then again, I’m not sure it ever would be exactly.

  9. M and I had discussed for a good year and half that we were ready for children and would start trying for a baby as soon as we got married. Then we found ourselves on our honeymoon and scared stiff about whether now was the right time. So we chickened out. A couple of months later and took the plunge, boy was that a surreal experience! It just goes against everything you have had in your head about sex for your adult life. We then spent the next 4 months worrying that it wouldn’t work, and that was far more scary and worrying!!

    I am now exactly 5 months pregnant, and everything is very exciting – everyday there is something different that you notice, which is amazing. However, I am still panicked that I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to pack in before this little being came into existence. I don’t think this is going to go, but I do know that I would have been more upset if the baby never happened than accepting a few less holidays and slower career progression over the next few years.

  10. think this is a great post and don’t think that it would ‘turn readers off’ at all, i think a lot of people seem to think that as soon as you have a baby you willl only talk about babies, its not true! I also think that whilst I would never disagree with someone’s decision about having a baby or think that you need children to be happy or fufilled. I do feel that people can ‘over think’ this decision, if that makes sense and I do agree with the cliche that there is no right time. We moved house two weeks before my son was born and it was stressful, but you cope, its also not as difficult as you think to travel with a baby. Life doesn’t stop – it changes and, in my experience, gets lots better and I find myself wondering why we didn’t do this sooner.

    • It’s good to hear that Victoria! Much as I want everything to be ‘perfect’ financially and so on before having a baby – I also know that moste people do cope with far more than just not having a third bedroom and statutory maternity pay!!
      It’s nice to hear the phrase that life doesn’t stop, it changes. x

  11. Very thought provoking Rebecca, and so refreshing to hear the thoughts of someone that didn’t have children the second they got married too.

    It feels like all of mine and Mr P’s friends have children. It’s not strictly true as not many of my best girls friends do, but every other couple we know has settled down whilst still really young. Most of our couple friends either have children, are pregnant or are trying.

    Mr P’s mum is also desperate for us to have children and publicly so. I’ve lost count of the people that she spoke to at our wedding about how she ‘needed a grandchild’.

    Two couples who got married after us last year started trying on their wedding night – one is now expecting, the other still trying. Because of this, we’ve had countless people ask us ‘will you be next’, ‘are you trying’, ‘why not’ etc etc.

    It’s as if those people think that you get married to have children. For us, it couldn’t be further from the truth and to be honest, the combination of questions and pressure puts me off even more!!

    I’m not saying never, but I hear of too many heartbreaking stories that it just worries me too much. It took my mum 10 years to have me, and it ultimately caused the breakdown of my parents marriage, so I won’t lie, that is a concern of mine.

    Also, I can hand on heart say that I’m not ready. I’m probably too selfish at the moment – I want the holidays, and to be able to go anywhere and do anything at the drop of a hat. Plus we’ve not found our next house yet… but you can guarantee once we do people will again be asking us which room is for the nursery!

    xoxo

    • Okay, so now I can’t stop thinking about your post and I wanted to add a little PS…

      It probably doesn’t help with me that I worked as the PR for Mamas & Papas for a few years – I’ve seen it all and that’s enough to put you off ;-) although, I’m have a wealth of knowledge for all things to do with maternity and baby products that I think I’ll never forget!

      • lol I can identify with that, I worked for a designer wedding gown company for a while, when I married I bought a dress off the peg in Monsoon, I couldnt face the thought of it all.

  12. Rebecca, this is the perfect post! And you don’t need to worry about readers not tuning in – I would love to see how FF develops and grows!

    At the moment, I’m very broody and having to keep it in check as R is totally not in the right place. As someone who uses double contraception (yes, I know!), the thought of trying to NOT get pregnant scares me more than actually being pregnant or having a baby. Eeeeek!

  13. I’m 17 weeks pregnant with first baby, and am so excited for all the adventures that will come. We waited until we were married over a year and were settled in a new home big enough for a couple of kiddies and were both settled into new jobs. In an super duper ideal world we would have waited another 3 years or so until our hefty graduate loans were paid off, but the time just felt right and we know we will have to buckle down money wise for a year or 2 after baby is here, but thats fine. I have no intention of quitting my career, so as long as we can manage for maternity leave, and potentially dropping a day when I go back thats fine.

    I think the key is when you both feel the time is right then go for it- we were still scared and had concerns, but suddenly our want to start a family started to overweigh those concerns so we thought why not- lets go for it!

    We know of course things are going to change, money is going to be tighter and we won’t be able to carry on exactly as we are, but we are looking forward to every part of it all, and being able to travel the world (holiday by holiday) as a little family.

    Rebecca, I would seriously welcome some maternity friendly features on your blog! Its the one thing I’ve been thinking it misses, and the features on slinky gorgeous dresses sadden me when I have no hope of getting my growing bump in there! I would agree it would add to your blog not take away from it! Would also welcome pretty nursery features, as I am not a fan of the over gender stereotyped co-ordinated ranges most places seem to do that also seem very overpriced for the quality. There is very little out there in terms of real style advice for pregnant women for home or fashion and definately think florence could bridge that gap!

  14. People ask when we will have a baby all the time. We live in a one bedroom flat. With 2 dogs. I reply ‘Is it ok for the baby to sleep in the airing cupboard cos that’s the only space?!’

    We have been talking about it recently though and I am starting to feel broody. I think that as we are the first couple of our friends to get married, at the moment I don’t want to be the first to have a baby! My friends look at me in horror when I mention feeling broody.

    Anyway, a summer filled with festivals and holidays is enought to make me realise that I am not ready – not this year anyway!

  15. We have been spared the ‘when are you having kids’ inquisition so far. Maybe because my dad doesn’t like the ides of being old enough to be a grandad, and my brother-in-law and his wife are about to have their first = no pressure for us!
    I’m not broody but we know we would like kids in the future. We’ve both just turned 30, we’re hoping to buy a house next year and move from our flat, and I’m in a maternity cover job that might end in 2.5 months. So I’d like at least one of those things to change before we start thinking about them as a reality, rather than something that will hopefully come along sometime in the future. I do worry about money – I’m the main wage-earner in my household, and also if we can actually have kids or not. But I think worrying about something doesn’t ever help very much and sometimes you just have to give it a try.

  16. Really interesting to hear how your own feelings have changed, Rebecca – in many ways, they reflect my own. And I don’t think your blogging would suffer at all from being a mum – like others have said, it would add another perspective.
    For me, wanting to have kids has been really linked to our close friends having children and seeing just how enriched their lives are by them. And seeing how my husband is around children also makes me more inclined as he’d make such a wonderful dad.
    I actually came off the pill just over a month ago now (eek!), and then promptly went away for three weeks without the husband so there hasn’t been much “trying” going on till more recently. But at the moment I can’t think about it as trying – I kind of just want to try and carry on normally and let it happen without worrying about it (until/unless we have to), not least because I think it might take a bit of the fun out of sex…
    Out of interest, how long after stopping the pill does it normally take to get your periods back?
    x

    • Hi Emma,

      Theoretically, your fertility should come back within one cycle and you should expect it to, if you have come off the pill a touch early to get yourself ready etc… In practice, it often takes 3-6 months for your body to sort itself out and I wouldn’t worry about it not getting back to normal before that. If you don’t get a regular cycle after 6 months, pop to your GP for a chat and some basic tests. :)

      Good Luck!

  17. I think there’s a misconception that you will know when it’s the right time. When we decided to start trying pretty soon after getting married it wasn’t because we were desperate for a baby and wanted our lives to change forever. If you’re happily married, have a good job, great friends and a disposable income for holidays, clothes, eating out etc then why shouldn’t you be happy with your lot? For us it was more like ‘shall we see what happens’ kind of thing. If not much happens, that’s when things get a bit trickier.

    With just over 3 months of my pregnancy to go, I have read this post in equal measures of excitement and fright. Even though we’ve spent years trying, I’m still scared stiff and am very unprepared for what’s coming round the corner. If we think too long and hard about these things, we’d never do anything different and life would become incredibly mundane.

    I completely agree that having a bump / being a Mum will add another dimension to the blog rather than take anything away from it. As for the Mat pay – lots of us on here are in the same boat – and it’s not forever, especially in your case as your career choice is a really good one for being a Mum too.

    As for the house situation….that’s tough but it’s amazing what a growing bump will make you throw out/ re-organise. You should see the growing piles of stuff destined for the car boot sale in every room of my house at the minute. And anyway, I’ve been told I only need an empty drawer to keep the baby in to start with ; )

    • Becky – I feel like you have written my reply for me! We also decided to ‘give it a go’, ‘why not’! I fell pregnant straight away and, like you, I have three months to go!

      The thing I’m most scared about is losing my identity! However, I am determined that this won’t happen!! I LOVE my career and want to climb the ladder. I also enjoy running and competing and have signed up to do a triathlon next year with some friends! My priorities may change when I have my baby but for now I’m more determined than ever!

      I say ‘go for it’! Eeeekkk!

    • Hi Becky, big congratulations on your news :-) how exciting! If someone hasn’t already recommended it, I’d highly recommend Lesters Nurseryworld for prams etc. the lovely lady in there spent nearly an hour with us whilst we were umming and aahhing about which pram to get, who knew buying a pram could be so hard?? It was also about £200 cheaper than in the big dept store! Hope to see Baby Blossom once he or she makes an appearance. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well x

  18. I love reading posts like this and finding out what stages other people are at in life, especially when it is so relevant to my own life. I’m basically just really nosey!

    It seems as though most people who comment here are in their 30’s or approaching 30. I will be 26 this year which excites me greatly because I’ve always, always thought that at 26 I could allow myself to start thinking about the B word. My mum had me when she was 27 and so I guess I just looked to her and felt that I would be the same. I feel very maternal and broody and I look forward to the day I find out I’m pregnant but I still know that now is not the time. I am a bit too selfish just now and enjoy having my husband and our evenings all to ourselves – pure unadulterated bliss!

    On saying that – I don’t want us to be older parents and my husband would like to have a baby before he turns 30 which is scarily soon. Like you Rebecca, my friend has recently found out that she cannot conceive naturally and is on a 2 year waiting list for IVF (!) This worries me greatly and although she is coping unbelievably well, I know for a fact I would be so upset if it were me. This makes me want to just go for it but I feel that would be rather silly and another couple of years wouldn’t change anything…would it!?!

  19. This post is EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking! What a well timed post! I’m nearly 34 and not really ready for a baby but I have those thoughts of “what happens if we try and we can’t have them easily”? I keep saying “let’s start trying in a few months” and then we go and book a holiday or start talking about 2013 plans that don’t involve children.
    I think we just need to bite the bullet and go for it as I know I would sooner have a family at a less-than-ideal time rather than not have one at all.

  20. I’ve never, ever been broody (I’m not sure if it’s to do with our line of work Rebecca? When you’ve seen all the stuff that can go wrong it really puts you off!) I would far rather spend several hundred pounds on a Mulberry handbag or a great holiday than on one of those trendy buggies. When I was married I accepted that I would have kids one day because my then-husband really wanted them, but now I’m divorced I’m very happy to not have to deal with that issue at present!!

    No one seems to have mentioned above about the kids issue when you’re single (am I the only single FF reader?!) As I’ve already said, I’m lucky as I don’t want any of the little vomiting pooing crying machines, but I have several single friends who are desperate for babies and are getting panicked that they have no one to have them with. I do worry occasionally that one of them will turn into a crazy lady like this one:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html

    (not really, none of my friends are that mad!)

    • Thank you for this! I must admit not feeling particularly maternal (despite having been a nursery assistant and a nanny) and I always worry about how that will affect my future. My Mum was 28 when I was born but my Dad was 43 and as a result, my Dad had had a long long time to build a career and salary that allowed my Mum to not go back to work until she had had 4 more children, and my sister, 7 years my junior, started school. I absolutely adore my Dad and although he was older than a lot of the other Dads in the playground, he made my childhood so wonderful (along with my Mum, of course) and I think a lot of that comes from the fact that all the things he did: worked abroad, jumped out of aeroplanes, etc. happened before I was born. He had already done so much. He has a peace about him that my mum assures me was there when she met him aged 40. I can’t help but worry if those life experiences were what helped to formulate it. Yet if I was to wait until I was 43, it’s very likely that it might be too late.

      ….I sometimes feel like having boobs is a poor exchange for the pressures of being a woman in society!

      PS: Rebecca, I love the blog and will read it no.matter.what you post. x

  21. At 28, I’ve never really had the ‘broody’ desire to have children. I love kids, but very aware from friends, that A LOT changes when you have your own (let’s go as far to say EVERYTHING changes!) My husband of 5 years is 6 years older than me and regularly mentions how he wants a baby, and soon. I’m quite anxious about the whole thing after having a health scare at the start of the year, and I guess I worry about my health if I became pregnant, or even into the future as a Mummy! I know I shouldn’t be such a worry head, but I can’t help it. Also, it is a major deal to bring a little person into this world and the responsibility seems overwhelming even with the support I know I’d have from parents, friends and a loving church family. I too believe there is a right time and that no woman should ever feel pressured to start a family, at whatever age. All in good time which will be the best time x

  22. You have to work 16 hours a week of any of the 26 weeks out of the year before you give birth to get the government maternity pay (I think). It was about £480 a month, which isn’t to be sniffed at.

    Anyway, I hear you. I waited until I was 40, with pretty much no interest at all before then. We started trying and I thought it would take up to a year. It took 2.5 months. Wasn’t QUITE ready at that point ;) Max has been the best thing I’ve ever done in my life, and that’s coming from a very un-maternal type. Do it :)

  23. This post is so well timed for me..and it seems many others. I guess we are all at similar stages.
    We got married last year and whilst we both wanted children, we were in no great rush. However, like you say, things change – I’m 34 and we’ve decided to start trying…I’m excited and terrified in equal measure and nothing has even happened yet! Due to various complications, I think getting pregnant might take us a while but I love our life, holidays, disposable income and there is a small part of me that wonders if I will ever truly be ready for the change ahead. Having had this dicussion with many of my friends who have had children, I think there are quite clearly good times to take the plunge but I don’t think you can every truly prepare yourself for the challenges that lie ahead.

    Like many others, I would rather take that plunge than regret it years later x

  24. We get married in less than two weeks so have had lots of “babies next!” comments coupled with my sister already having a two year old, my other sister being preganant and 2 of my good friends being pregnant too. We also have 5 nephews so have been surrounded by little ones for a good few years now!

    Obviously i love them all but we’re so close to them that we all see the reality of how much your life changes which is of course very scary! We definitely want them but do want to get back on track financially a little and do a bit more on the house, maybe next year?!

    Very aware of body clock (i’m 31) especially if you want more than one so dont want to leave it too long….

    With regard to blogging – i do think it adds to the diversity – looking forward to reading Rebecca!
    Rachie xo

    • Totally with you there Rachie. We have lots of friends with kids, and a very close sister in law who just had her second so we are also often in the thick off it – less of a rosy glow about kids then!

  25. Ah, this a timely post! I was going to email you Rebecca and ask if you could do a post on fancy maternity wear so I hope that answers one question : )

    On the pregnancy front, I am 17 weeks pregnant and would say that all of my ‘Am I ready?’ worries were, it turns out, about the wrong things.

    I very much sympathise with Katie as I have had 24 hour sickness and nausea since I was 5 weeks, combined with high blood pressure and other (more graphic, ha!) issues.

    I wish I had thought more about how hard pregnancy could potentially be and how that would affect my social life/marriage etc. I have found it quite isolating as it has been tricky to leave the house at all and it’s hard to think straight when worried about my health and that of the baby.

    However… I have no doubt it will be a million times worth it. I would just say that a big consideration should definitely be that your life can change a fair old bit before the baby arrives and that at that point all the things you were worrying about before become a bit less daunting.

    I hope this makes sense and I don’t sound like one of those patronising scare-mongers in baby forums!

    • Yes, I’d never considered my life changing, before baby arrives.

      I’m off to Cambridge for best friend’s daughters Christening next week. My husband is on a stag weekend, so I’m off on my own, and I’m dreading it. Long drive, having to socialise, and I never sleep properly in other peoples houses (strange girl that I am).

      Already made an excuse for not going out with friends for a meal. It takes me ages to eat, and the thought alone made me feel ill.

      xx

      • I really do empathise – the early days were definitely the hardest, I think all you can do is confide in a couple of close friends who you can rely on. I had a hen weekend when I was 9 weeks and it really helped that a couple of the girls knew. It also helped that I had people who could come round and not be offended if I spent the whole time being sick- ha!

        Hang in there, for me I feel a teeny bit better every day for the last couple of weeks. Fingers crossed you will get to 12 weeks, have a lovely scan and start to feel better!

      • Katie congratulations – I’m delighted for you!

        Babies are parasites in the truest sense of the word. Even really unwell Mothers lose weight before the baby starts to suffer. The first act of motherly devotion!

        Its an interesting point you raise about assuming you’d be well in your pregnancy. I have considered just continuing to locum (as I do earn more than I would normally anyway and it kind of makes up for the lack of holiday pay/sick pay/maternity etc) but that would be very testing and possibly completely scuppered if I had a difficult pregnancy.

        As a GP I generally have at least one woman on my books who I see every week or so for 9 months throughout her pregnancy due to sickness, I always joke that they had better bring the baby in to me for the baby check so I can see what all the trouble was about. As soon as one gives birth, sure enough another comes along. But it’s not that common. Most people expect to be better when the 1st trimester is over, but I often see it up to 16-20 weeks. It’s rare after that. Roll on the end of it for you and all the others suffering out there!

        xo

      • Your use of the magic words ‘rare after 16 to 20 weeks’ has cheered me up no end- hopefully I’m on the home straight!

  26. And can I add, the hardest times DO pass, and they pass quickly. Before you know it, your toddler is approaching 3 and you have no idea where the time went.

  27. I am reading this whilst at home on Maternity Leave awaiting the arrival of our first baby, due on Thursday. To say that being at home, and being pregnant at all, is and has been weird for me is an understatement. I’ve worked solidly for the past 11 years and I LOVE my job. The stress, the joys, my colleagues, bring it all on. I’m also madly in love with my husband and best friend. Richard and I have been married 15 months and I remember very clearly whilst sitting in Nobu, Waikiki Hawaii on on delayed honeymoon in September 2011, that we decided to start trying for a baby. Such is the fact that I’m 32 almost 33, and Richard has Crohn’s meaning the drugs he’s on to manage his condition suppress fertility, we thought it would take longer than the 6 weeks it did. Fast forward 9 months and here we are. Impending parenthood awaits. Im not going up lie and say its been a dream, a total joy. It hasnt. At some points I’ve felt so totally selfish and therefore low, I’ve been miserable. Going from being very active and training for this years London Marathon (which I had to defer) to now not being able to walk 100 yards without panting is so frustrating. I’ve been doing Yoga and Swimming, but it’s not the same. And the weight-gain, albeit an absolute necessity, has made me feel low. I worked so hard to get to where I wanted to be when we got married, and now, almost 3 stone heavier, I hate the fact all my lovely clothes just stare at me. I know this sounds so shallow and selfish. I am though so looking forward to meeting our Baby. We chose not to find out the sex, partly because we wanted a surprise and partly because info is so readily available these days we just didn’t want to know. And Richard. He has been fantastic. My best friend has sat there and listened, cuddled and reassured throughout the whole thing. He’s been amazing and I have seen him grow through new eyes. And I know he’s scared too but very much looking forward to being a Daddy. Yes, there are things we would have liked to have done before we had a child, like move to a slightly bigger house (we live in a two-bed Victorian semi), perhaps go on one more long haul trip, but you know what? We can still do those things. We’ll just be the three musketeers doing it as a family.
    Xxx
    Ps I am and always will be an avid reader of this blog. Don’t worry about that Rebecca, no matter what you are… Doctor, wife, fashionista, gardener or mummy :) xx

  28. Lots of responses to this one and rightly so, its an emotive issue, one that I don’t think is ever too far away from the press (both magazines and newspapers). I’ll start by saying congratulations to all those expecting and who have babies. I agree with comments here that I’m not there ever is a “right time” but seeing friends go through the process it is an exciting one.

    I am in the “I’m not having them” camp (@Marlene M – you are not alone!) having no maternal urge at all. For the record the closest I’ve got is my husband saying “imagine what our children would be like?” half jokingly – but I’m not sure a science experiment is the right reason to have a child! :) Having been married near 2 years have fielded a few baby questions already, but thankfully don’t have family pressures to produce grandchildren.

    My twin sister on the other hand is very aware of her biological clock and age (we’re 33), although single and living in a one bed flat in London complicates things and I think she is less and less confident that she will have one.

    • That must be difficult Caroline, particularly if it goes further down the line and you choose not to in what she may perceive as the right circumstances and she can’t.

      I’m so glad people who are opting not to have a family feel able to get involved in this discussion. It’s a completely valid choice and one I completely support. Whatever is right for you.

      • It’s something we’ve both discussed over many years and she totally gets where my husband and I are thankfully. But yes, it’s not easy. On a more positive note she will become godmother to her best mates baby next year which she is thrilled at.

  29. I always find it funny when people ask me ‘when are you having babies?’ because it’s suuuuuuch a personal question, and can be quite insensitive. We definitely want kids, but I don’t think we’re at the exact stage yet where we’re going to start trying. The urge might kick in 6 weeks from now, it might be 6 years. Being Australian though, even though I’m married to a Brit, means I don’t qualify for any maternity pay which will make things a lot tougher. And am I the only one who browses mamas and papas without being pregnant/having a friend to buy for?? The wee things are sooooo cute and the coffee shop in the Oxford Street store is lovely and always empty at the end of the work day ;)

    • I completely agree, Gemma. I can’t believe how many people think that it’s appropriate to ask SUCH a personal question. Basically just asking you about your sex life! And what if you had been trying for months or just had a miscarriage?

      My brother-in-law actually said to me a couple of weeks ago ‘I’m hoping your just about to tell me that you’re already pregnant.’ Erm, what?!

      • It is weird how your fertility and family planning choices are up for grabs conversation wise- and im afraid it gets worse when you are pregnant, its amazing how many people, not even people you know that well, have the cheek to ask ‘Was it planned?’, or ‘I didn’t know you were trying’ like you should have put our a newspaper announcement that you were trying to conceive! And to have people suddely start commenting on your tummy is bizarre!

  30. This completely sums up where I was at the end of last year and now I’m five months pregnant and it all feels so right. Okay we’ve only been married a year but we got married when we wanted the next step and a family and then when I was married then suddenly I started over-thinking everything, second guessing myself etc… In the end I just stopped over thinking.

    Pregnancy for me has been horrible (hence the radio silence Rebecca – sorry) but even in the worst moments it is still one of the best things that has happened to me. I can’t wait to be a mum.

    But everyone’s different. Everyone works it out for themselves :-)

  31. Interesting read Bek, I totally agree there’s right time for everyone – as a lady with a baby though rest assured life as you know it doesn’t stop- it’s just a little different! My first wedding anniversary was at The Ritz (baby was safely far away), I still spend just as much on clothes and we’ve been to 6 different countries even flying long haul with her. Tis all good fun! Whenever’s right for you, I’m sure you’ll love it!xx

  32. Having kids is ace :-) Go for it! My experience is that a baby is a blessing that will fit into your life regardless of how many bedrooms you have, or whether you have a family friendly vehicle (I happily drove around Didsbury for nearly two years with our little girl in the back of my ludicrously impractical but extremely cute convertible Beetle before finally trading it in). You just figure out how to make it work. And yes, your life focus will change, and consequently your blog content, but I’m sure your readers (certainly I’m speaking for myself here) will enjoy taking the journey with you. Inspirational UK-based nursery interiors and maternity wear would be great to see, but I’d be particularly interested in some honest debate about the impact becoming a mother can have on personal style, priorities, relationships, home, career, and so on.

  33. Definitely a post which strikes a cord. I am 34 and biological clock has been ticking for some time, not trying yet but hoping to be off the pill in the next year. I know there is no right time, but my husband and I are hoping for a slightly better time as he is out of work at present. I always have a nagging anxiety that it might be difficult to conceive although no real reason to think that. The baby thing is definitely something I think about alot and I would be happy to see more maternity/baby stuff on the blog

  34. So glad to hear so many people voicing my oh-so-familiar internal monologue! Rebecca, I share your fear about prospective employers sensing my ‘might-have-a-baby’ risk. And I hate to admit that my career decisions are a little over-shadowed by thoughts of maternity leave pay. Somehow, I don’t like the idea of such a big thing being overly planned, which maybe seems contradictory, but hey, I’m fickle! I work with kids all day (as a Speech and Language Therapist) which certainly doesn’t help with the broodiness factor.. Man, they are fun!

  35. Well I am reading this at 30 weeks pregnant… But it took 16 months of dedicated trying to get pregnant (with tests, which showed nothing and accupuncture, which I am completely converted about). Once I got there I felt the timing couldn’t be better. We were married for nearly a year before trying – which was a fabulous year together… And I managed to get a senior job in our team’s restructure at 25 weeks (which I wouldn’t have got if I got pregnant quickly as I would have been on maternity leave and just wouldn’t have been in the right place for it).

    For me conception was the tricky part, but am (so far) sailing through pregnancy. I refuse to believe that means I will have a difficult baby!!?

  36. Great post Rebecca! My husband and I were married 8 years before having Sophie, and although we married quite young we had a lot of pressure, especially from my mother who kept cutting things out of the newspaper about women who ‘left it too late’ or had fertility issues! I celebrated my 30th birthday drinking champagne in a nice restaurant in Manchester, unlike my sister who spent hers giving birth, and countless friends who were pregnant, breastfeeding or at home with the kids. I didn’t want a baby, and was worried that I would never want one or feel maternal, but didn’t wat to get to 45 and realise I’ve missed it. People used to say ‘oooh you won’t be able to do that when you have a baby’ referring to anything from wearing make-up, going to the gym, going out for dinner or wearing heels. All of which is absolute rubbish, obviously, and at the time made me feel even less inclined to have one! As for the right time, I quit my teaching job to set up my photography business and got pregnant within a few weeks, so no maternity pay for me either! (although as others have said, maternity allowance is better than nothing and the self-employed do ok out of tax credits too). I did eventually feel ready-ish, although I hated pregnancy and still didn’t feel very maternal! 2 years on and I love being a Mummy, but I also love wearing my job, wearing make-up, heels, going to the gym, drinking champagne and eating out (not all at once, obviously!) Your life does change but you make of it what you want to, and you don’t have to stop being you. As for the blog, it’ll be great to have a down-to-earth stylish lady talking her way through pregnancy and motherhood xxx

  37. Interesting post as always Rebecca, I do remember your first post after you got married and it’s exciting to see how things might be changing for you :-) Like most peeps on here as soon as we got married everyone asked us when we were going to start trying for a baby and we decided to start pretty much straight away. Had we met a few years earlier I definitely think we would have waited a few years and had more ‘us’ time before babies came along, especially as we both love going away and we had some great holidays. But as time was not on my side and I was in my mid 30′s I thought we’d better err on the side of caution and start trying straight away as didn’t know how long it would take. Having seen some friends get pregnant straight away and others taking several years I just didn’t know which camp I would fall into. Thankfully it only took a couple of months and low and behold our daughter arrived last June and she’s just had her 1st birthday. We can’t quite believe how quickly the year has gone and I still can’t believe that I’m a parent and responsible for this gorgeous little human being, which is so scary but so exciting to see her change and grow every day. Yes it will change your life (at the moment you can hardly get in the front door due to new car seats, buggy and stair gates blocking the hallway) but I wouldn’t change a thing. Thankfully both Matt and I are fairly independent and like to do things apart from each other so we do things without baby either on our own or together whilst Matt’s mum babysits so we have tried to make sure that we do have ‘us’ time as well. Several friends have commented on how well we’ve adapted and not let it change our lives too too much, obviously things do change but it doesn’t mean that you lose yourself.

    I don’t think your blog will suffer at all, I think a lot of your readers are at the same stage in their lives as you and will love to see how things change for you. I would also love to see more posts which might be parent / baby related but I also love that the content of your blog as it isn’t about babies, nurseries and it’s a nice little escape :-)

    I am now in a position where I have had to resign from my job as they were unable to accommodate the hours I could work due to childcare restrictions, it certainly isn’t always easy to return to work so whilst I’m happy to be spending time with Isabella, it’s scary wondering when a job will appear, especially as I think employers will be wary of employing someone that might have to take time off to look after a sick child or who might be wanting another baby….so we’ll see what happens, I’m also trying to take this opportunity to change what I do so am trying to see this as a positive. I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in this position after having a baby?

    Good luck in whatever you decide :-) x

  38. I had never really given much thought to having a family, but recent medical treatment suggests I probably won’t be able to have kids – which seems a bit unfair at 25, but my fiancé and I have decided that whatever happens happens. Whether it means we have our own / adopt / stay footloose and fancy free! Regardless, I’ll still be reading the blog – I might just give the maternity wear posts a wide berth! x

  39. First of all, like most of the commentators above, I don’t think the blog would suffer but simply add another topic for posts / discussion, although the time you might have to spend on the blog could be reduced!

    There is so much I could say about this topic, a lot has been covered in your original post and the comments, I too am constantly questioned as to when we are going to have babies (been married for two & a half years) permission to actually scream the next time it happens?! I remember a similar discussion over on AOW discussing babies and work and the wonderfully wise Kirsty added a comment that i keep coming back to, she said when she thinks of having a family she thinks of the relationships she has with her parents etc now and that it’s not just about babies (pretty sure Kirsty worded it better than that but hope you get the point!). I still don’t feel ready for a baby but I know I want a family and clearly having a baby is the logical step for that ;) xx

  40. I am so, so glad you posted this!

    My husband and I are trying for a baby. I always knew deep down we would have problems so we started trying right after we got marrie and 12 months later I’m still not “knocked up”!! (Apologies for my crudeness!)

    Our family are desperate for me to announce it, but it’s not happening. I’ve finally accepted though that if it happens, it happens…and if it doesn’t, well then it doesn’t.

    I am constantly in the dilemma of wanting a baby, but wanting my life to stay as it is at the moment too and it’s kind of nice to know I am not alone. So thank you for posting!

    With regards to feeling worried about the blog – it does add another perspective and look at how many pregnant ladies there are who have posted who would love advice on fashion, decorating nurseries, absolute must buys for new mums – all of which I’m sure you could offer when the time is right! You could also keep your normal fashion features going but maybe have some “guest posts”??

    Anna x

  41. Brilliant post Rebecca. I agree that your perspective of life with a bump/baby will only enhance you’re already amazing blogging style.

    I’m now 30 weeks pregnant with our first. We weren’t in a rush to have kids when we got married but it ended up taking us 2 years and some medical help to conceive. Working in the same profession as you Rebecca we agonised about when the best time would be due to the impact having a family can have when applying for partnerships, will just have to wait and see what happens in the future.

    I love reading everyone’s posts and I’m glad we can celebrate & respect the choices we’ve all made & not judge anyone for choosing to have a family or not.

    Sarah

  42. all I can say is sometimes its best just to throw these things to the wind and see what happens without over thinking it. There maybe no ‘right time’ but i guess there are times when it ‘feels right’ all I know is babies don’t always come to order when it suits us. I tried for about three years, then spent most of my pregnancy in and out of hospital on a drip with hyperemesis. oh joy :)

    mine are now all 16 plus, my youngest is severely autistic and that makes me look back and think of all the trivia i worried about when “planning’ him and laugh ;) worries about my career and ‘identity’ just went out of the window.

    you feel you want to do it? just go for it ;)

  43. Hi Rebecca, thanks for your post. I’m sitting here with my beautiful six month old daughter (she’s sleeping!). I can honestly say she is the very best thing that has happened to us. In terms of the best time, as you say, when you feel comfortable to put a new little being ahead of almost everything – that is the right time. Having said that, babies do have a way of throwing life as you know it upside down completely. As a big planner, you can plan and organise and schedule as much as you like (and I do!) but babies wiggle into your life, making it so special, that your priorities totally change and you are able to see the world in a totally new light. Different things start to matter more. Our daughter has brought us so much joy and continues to do so every day – and we’re doing baby-led weaning… I know what you mean about holidays, I made sure our last holiday was a big one in Cuba (it was where we found out I was pregnant! We have since had heaps of cool (but different) holidays while pregnant in Croatia, Cornwall and the Isle of Wight, and with our baby in Bath, Norfolk and Italy. She’s a little traveller already – with a big trip home to New Zealand planned for Christmas. While it helps having the right size house, enough money to be comfortable and not worry too much, your heart and mind are the things that really need to be ready, (oh and your baby daddy!). It sounds like you and Pete will make amazing parents. I do wish you both all the very best x

  44. Wow!! what a great post as usual Rebecca. I havent read all the replies but I admit in the past I had serious doubts about whether I would end up having a baby, then I fell pregnant and life turned upside down. Two years ago when we got married I was happily reviewing 5 star holidays, art directing the amazing WEDDING magazine and living the high life – with a very busy social life.

    Fast forward and Mia is about to turn one (yes we did fall pregnant quickly after the wedding and it was a bit of a shock as I wasnt sure I could have children). I now spend my time on my photography business which I love but havent had a holiday and yes life is VERY different. But I wouldnt change it.

    Im not one of the mummy brigade so says its for everyone, youre missing out, as I dont believe that. It is hard work and life will never be quite the same, but for me its better. Oh and the older you are the harder it is (I do sometimes wish I was a bit younger to deal with the tiredness)

    Oh and now as well as photographing weddings – which I have done for years I fill my days photographing babies (I photographed the pictures included!)

    xxx

  45. Rebecca this is an amazing post… and it sums up exactly (scarily exactly!!) where I’m currently at. A sort of when rather than if-ness and still not entirely sure about the whole thing… and yes developing a fascination with friends’ babies (and a fear that it might not all be quite as simple as TV would have you believe!!) So good to know it’s not just me!! xx

  46. A really interesting post – thanks Rebecca! I’m 32 and just got married in May. We always said we would start trying right away but thought it would take ages as we know a few couples who are having problems. I took a pregnancy test the day we got back from honeymoon and – woah – it was positive! I think we’d been worrying so much about whether it would happen for us, we’d never really thought about what if it did! I’m now 9 weeks pregnant and feeling horribly sick pretty much all the time (apart from first thing in the morning, ironically). My sister described it as feeling constantly like you’ve just downed a pint of seawater, which sums it up quite well. We are so excited but scared too and, I know it sounds silly, but I’m finding it really hard to enjoy it as I keep worrying about all the things that could go wrong. Got the first scan in 3 weeks and I can’t wait as I hope it will put my mind at rest and it will be such a relief to be able to explain to people why I’ve become such a bloated, exhausted, anti-social loon I’m sure it will all be worth it though! x

  47. Great post! Sums up exactly what I have thinking and feeling lately! All the comments have helped me to make an important choice. Thank you Rebecca!xx

  48. I’ve loved this blog Rebecca, and it’s so relevant to how I’m feeling at the moment. It’s been great to read everyone’s responses and to feel reassured that others out there feel the same was as I do. I too am at the stage where I’m considering babies. I turn 30 soon and have been married for nearly 5 years. Many family and friends are surprised that we’re still childless, not understanding that we want to wait until circumstances are right. Having said that, I’m not sure that circumstances are any more right now than they were 5 years ago. We rent a house that wouldn’t be quite big enough, I’m on a temporary contract and so wouldn’t qualify for maternity pay yet, and financially don’t feel secure enough. I am wondering whether people are right when they say the time never feels right, and am starting to wonder if I’m just slightly daunted at the thought of becoming a Mum. There is also the concern that it might not happen as easily as expected, I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovaries and know that this can present challenges. However, I am hopeful that babies will happen at some point and that when they do, we’ll enjoy the changes they bring. Keep up the brilliant blogging!

  49. Hey gals,

    All I know is this:-

    I turned 30 and 3 months later, almost overnight, I knew it was the right time. Prior to that, I was always ‘well maybe we should live a bit first, maybe we should travel, maybe I need to be earning more first, pay off more debit blah blah blah.

    In *my personal* experience, you’ll know, with complete certainty, when it’s the right time and until then I wouldn’t stress about a thing. And when it is the right time, all those worries about having to cart stuff about and whether your salary or house is big enough blah blah – that all pales into insignificance. Your perspective on life will change and all those things you worried about before, they won’t matter quite so much as the amazing human being you are creating will – don’t mean that to sound twee ;)

    Live a little first, clear off more debt, get your house right, but when *that* feeling comes calling – ride the wave! ;)

    Just my tuppence ;)

    xXx

  50. ps – I got all the same questions too from friends and family up to me actually falling pregnant about when were we going to start trying for a baby…. reminding me not to put it off until too late etc!!

    I know several ladies who have all had perfect pregnancies and birthed a healthy baby – all women aged between 37 and 43 at the time.

    xXx

  51. Hi, Rebecca, Great post. I put off having children and then when we decided we were ready to start trying, it took three years. Probably the hardest three years of my life. Baby is the best thing that has ever happened to us and I don’t miss the time when it was just the two of us because having the three of us is just so much better. That being said, I’m glad that James and I had plenty of time together after we got married. Speak of the devil, he’s calling me to go wake up the little monster so we can go out for a family lunch. Bliss. Jx

  52. I’m not sure there ever is a right time to have a family. I thought I had my life all planned out…. married at 25, first child at 27 (son), second at 29 (daughter) and then my perfect little family unit of four would live happily ever after. How wrong could I have been… I found out at 29 that husband was having an affair and am now a single mummy at 30 (31 on Monday!) and only see my children half the week. This was not in my plan! Now I live for the moment, or at least I’m trying to… not worrying about the future or contemplating the past too much.

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