Three years and counting…

Today, as you read, it’s Pete and my third wedding anniversary, an occasion for leather gifts (if you happen to be following the traditional system of gifts) and reflection. I love that so many of my readers are going through the same life events as me, settling down, getting engaged, married and starting a home or family, so I wanted to mark the occasion in some way and hear your thoughts.

I naturally started thinking, how are things different now, compared to when we were first married? Although some people say they felt no difference after getting married, perhaps considering their relationship no less solid before that little bit of paper, I felt a huge change. A sense of solidarity, like we were truly a team, for better for worse. I was pretty pleased I bagged my man, he’s a keeper. πŸ˜‰

Fast forward 2 years, at the start of our third year of marriage and we were already in testing times. I wasn’t all that happy in my work and blogging had taken over. I’m not proud of that. Pete in contrast was happier than ever with a new job and the only mar on the landscape of his life was the fact that he saw very little of his wife. He kept the house clean, cooked my dinner and kept me emotionally sane, greeting me at the door with a glass of wine most evenings. And when life as I knew it fell apart, he quite literally had my back.

When I think now about what marriage means, more than ever I see it as taking care of one another, Pete is a wonderful husband to me and back then, I was not a good wife. I knew it, I felt guilty, but I was too busy to really see it. Pete taught me by his actions back then more than anything else could about what it is to be a good husband or wife.

Thank goodness, fate intervened and life at the beginning of year four is a completely different picture. The feminist in me takes pride in being an equal partner once again, sharing the load of daily life. Little things I do for him are not acts of servitude, but kindness, probably because they are returned in equal measure. I am still so lucky that Pete accepts and encourages Florence Finds as an achievement, supporting me when I need a little extra help to get by.

So, although there have been monumental changes in the last year, to my life and our lives together, the result has been a change in our marriage, for the better.

Now it’s your turn readers. I’d love to hear if what I’ve shared today resonates – if a big life event has come along and tested your marriage or relationship already or maybe I’ve just reminded you to take care of each other a little more. On a more light hearted note, I’d love to hear of any ingenious gifts you have bought each other for anniversaries that signify the early years… perhaps some ideas for number four?! πŸ˜‰

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS – The images throughout this post are a sneaky peek into our holiday so far.. not the glossy blog shots edited for your enjoyment, but the cheesy end of your outstretched arm shots and the ones you ask other people to take. The ones that make memories, so please forgive the blur/bad lighting etc.

PPS – Think the tandem is funny? Seriously you should try it… it’s a one-way ticket to marriage counselling on 2 wheels πŸ˜‰

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29 thoughts on “Three years and counting…

  1. This is such a lovely description of marriage – taking care of each other is so important, and it’s so easy to neglect it as life intervenes. Your happiness shines through so much in these pictures – I’d say you make a pretty good team πŸ˜‰

    Oh and one of my friends cycled 3 miles to her wedding on a tandem bike with her dad and cycled back with her new husband, wearing lace gloves and the cutest little playsuit – it was awesome. But she looked pretty knackered!

  2. Aww Rebecca! What a really lovely post – I welled up! So glad you guys are having a fabulous time and having a well deserved break! We’re thinking about going to CA for our honeymoon – it’s where I grew up so I know how much of a fab time you are having. Can’t wait to see more pics xx

  3. This post has really struck a chord with me today. I think it’s so easy just to rub along together and not really appreciate how good you’ve got it (and I’m not even married yet – next year woop!). I’m so lucky to have an excellent fiancΓ©, but I think when you’ve had a 12 hour day at work, the flat is a tip and you’ve only got something that looks like a science experiment in the fridge it’s easy just to neglect one another a bit!

    I really like the holiday photos – they are making me long for some time away, though it’s pretty sunny here at the moment so maybe the boy and I should just crack open some wine in the garden tonight πŸ™‚ xx

    P.S. You both have lovely teeth in the last pic!

  4. Congratulations Rebecca and Pete! Your post today really resonates with me – I’m going through a busy (and sometimes difficult) patch at work right now, and my wonderful husband has been looking out for me the whole way through, cooking, keeping the house tidy etc. I will certainly owe him when I (eventually) get out of the mayhem, but it’s wonderful to know that he will keep looking after me (and us) in the meantime.

  5. Happy Anniversary!!
    This is the kind of post that makes me so excited about getting married – the real shizzle.
    Enjoy the rest of your holiday, you deserve it.
    x

  6. *sob sob* Awww Rebecca it’s posts like this that set you apart in the blogging world. So well written I can feel the emotion leaping off the page and can totally relate to what you are saying. I can tell from the pictures that you two are the best of friends and you make each-other happy.

    I feel pretty much the same about my man. A customer recently said that when I spoke about him my face lit up (no mean feat after 12 years). I agree that marriage is a partnership and is about looking after one another, in sickness and in health and everything and anything you go through together makes you stronger. I love being married.

    x

  7. As a newly wed I’m loving this post, you two look so happy!

    My husband went through a really crazy time at work a couple of years ago, it was so bad that his dad actually mentioned in his speech at the wedding that he didn’t know why I stuck around! It’s definitely a silver lining to have times like that “in the bank” I know that we can cope with it now and not come out the other side bitter and resentful so if/when it happens again it would (hopefully) be a lot easier.

  8. Happy anniversary! I am so jealous, your holiday looks amazing. I completely agree that a marriage is about looking after each other, and trying to remain cheery when your partner is having a tough time. A few years back (before our wedding) we found out that my dad was having an affair and he left mum. I was working full time whilst studying for an MSc and trying to pick up the pieces for my mum, and I relied so heavily on my now husband. He was the only person who managed to get a smile out of me an also drove with me to work at 1am on several occasions to print out uni work etc. That’s love! He was made redundant a year ago and things have turned around & now he’s the one who needs looking after. Money is very tight and things have been stressful but I’m hoping that I can make him smile the way he did me πŸ™‚ I feel so lucky to have him by my side through the good times and the bad.

    Sorry for the essay, I’m sitting over the park in the sunshine during my lunch break and am feeling quite soppy! X x x

  9. I am really trying to get K on a tandem! They look awesome but I’ve never ridden one. I love the going to the wedding idea but Derbys is just too hilly! Glad you are having fun on hols and life is looking up. x

  10. Lovely post Rebecca – and you guys look like you’re having a fabulous time!

    I’m a firm believer in that it’s the bad/tough times that will make and shape you as a couple if you can make it out of the other side.

    Mr P and I have had our fair share of tough times and heartache, but we’ve made it through together each time and I honestly think that we’re stronger because of it!

    xoxo

  11. I really love this post Rebecca, happy anniversary guys! I’m at work sneaking a read and also welled up reading it. Your love for Pete does quite literally jump off the page. Could not agree more with your comment on the arms stretched out photos, they are the ones that make memories.

    Haven’t experienced a life event that has tested our marriage yet (at two and a half years in) but I know my boy has my back in everything I do and that makes me love him all the more πŸ˜€

    ps re your tandem experience, had a similar one in a two person kayak on honeymoon!

    • Ha. In a canoe once my now husband said “I’m just going to lean a bit as we go under this tree”. Cue both of us soaking wet and a upside canoe. I still married him and I’ve always wanted to try a tandem!

  12. awww, you look very happy, lovely pictures and congrats!!!

    things are strange right now with us after 11 years, we each came to this marriage with two kids and a lot of emotional baggage, we’ve had many ups and downs, the kids are more or less grown up and my husband is having to work abroad while I seem to be in the house alone a lot !!!! we miss each other terribly and when its a beautiful day like today I’m in the garden and know he’s stuck alone in a poky room is hard, still he’s lucky to be working and there are many many worse off so can’t moan really even though we only see each other for a day and a half twice a month ;/

  13. I’m actually reading this post a day after collapsing with stress and being signed off work – a big deal as I’m self-employed so can’t just phone my boss and say I’m not coming in – and my fiance has calmly phoned all my clients and sorted everything out (bear in mind he really hates the phone).

    When we got engaged, my dad said: “You’ve stuck with each other through some tough times.” He’s not wrong. We’ve been through a load of crap, frankly, and we’ve figured it out together. I don’t know if you’ve seen the film Up in the Air, but if you have, it will make sense when I say he’s my co-pilot. And I know we’ll stick with each other and work things out with and for each other when we’re married, too.

  14. Hi everybody – just checking in before we head off to Vegas. VERY excited. Look out on Instagram for lots more pics πŸ™‚

    Thank you for all your lovely comments, this was a bit of a heartfelt post.

    Anne, axm237 and Jae, I hope things get better for you both soon.
    Roz, your Kayak comment made me laugh – honestly, I though Pete was going to leave me on the tandem at one point!

    Lots of love to you all back home
    xo

  15. Oh Rebecca! Congratulations to you and Pete!

    What a lovely post this is, it make so much sense to me, and I completely agree with you on the whole ‘marriage did change things’ and solidarity thing. I’m at a very similar stage to you – just over 3 years in and appreciating my marriage and that solidarity, companionship and support it brings more than ever.

    It’s so delightful to see you and Pete on your holiday looking like you are having so much fun. And I love those end of arm shots – they’re real, unposed, fun and genuine.

    Have an amazing time on the rest of your travels my friends, and make sure you have one on me! πŸ˜‰

    Lots and lots of love,

    Annabel xXx

  16. Wow! How nice in this day and age to see good ‘old fashioned’ values! My hsuband and I celebrated 41 years of marriage on the 22nd and believe me there has been many rocky patches during that time. We always managed to get through safe in the knowledge that we really do love each other (like is different isn’t it?!) I feel sure you will achieve a life time of happiness together πŸ˜€

  17. Happy anniversary!

    My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years but together for 12 1/2 and we havent really had any big issues so far since we got married. Daniel did support me financially and emotionally through medical school and the stressful jobs I have had since qualifying nearly 6y ago!

    We are in the process of moving to Australia at the start of August so we are bound to have some stressful times ahead, but already we are supporting each other when we have moments of doubt or worry!

    I agree that I felt different after we got married – for a long time I didnt think we would as we were just happy as we were, but we still like calling each other ‘my husband’ and ‘my wife’! We definately feel more like our own little team, just a bit separate from our respective families.

    Ps. your holiday photos are lovely! x

  18. ha ha! My husband and I cycled round Central Park on our first wedding anniversary on a tandem and have vowed that now all anniversary celebrations must incorporate that tradition!

    Happy 3 years, and a lovely post πŸ™‚

    Katie x

  19. What a remarkably honest post.

    I literally just had my first wedding anniversary this past Monday and I felt exactly like you when I got married. Like more of a team, a more solid couple! We have had a great year and I am looking forward to many more. You’re right though, you have to work at it, learn from each other, respect each other and their individual goals, dreams, stresses and most importantly you have to grow together.

    Thanks for sharing!
    Anna

  20. Happy anniversary! We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary on Monday, it feels surreal as it feels like only a month ago that we were getting hitched.

    PS. I really want a go on a tandem now… : )

  21. Aww, happy anniversary. We celebrated our first anniversary this week too, and I hope things continue to be as good as they have been for our first year of marriage. It’s good to know that with the tough times come the good, and that you appreciate the good times even more. Lovely post. looks like you’re having a fabulous time. x

  22. Congratulations on your wedding anniversary Rebecca πŸ™‚ looks like you’ve both having an amazing time on your jollies!

    A very heart felt post which I can really relate to, hubby and I have had a very testing time this past year with real highs and lows, the high of having a wonderful baby girl but the low of my dad passing away a month after she was born. It would have been so easy to go into complete meltdown but with a new baby to look after I couldn’t do that and thankfully she has been such a source of happiness in what was and still is a sad time, especially as the one year of dad passing approaches. I really don’t know what I would have done had Matt not been around to help me though this past year, it really has been a case of ‘for better, for worse’ and I am thankful for that every day. I think we’re all very lucky to have such wonderful partners!

    Enjoy the rest of your wonderful holiday, I am so jealous you are in Vegas, I’ve been 3 times now and LOVE IT. I don’t know if you’ve been before but the Ghostbar at the Palms is worth going to, to be able to sit outside on the rooftop bar and see the whole of Vegas sipping a cocktail!! ‘O’ at the Bellagio is also an AMAZING show, if you get the chance to get tickets, I’d highly recommend it x

  23. What a fab post.

    Taking a bit of me time at 7am with a cup of tea after 5 hours sleep, before the baby wakes up. This post makes me feel more like Rachel and less like Mum, and i realise i am guilty of neglecting my marriage whilst life rushes past me.

    Thanks for another inspirational post. I now need to go back 9 months and catch up properly… πŸ˜‰

    Totally jel of your holiday too. I love Cali. xx

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