Team Yellow…

Good morning readers! This morning I want to talk scans… more specifically, finding out the gender of your baby. (Apologies for the baby bombardment, I’m kind of on a deadline here) πŸ˜‰


Our ’12 week’ scan; We’re joking that we might have a little skier on our hands!

So, on Thursday we have our 20 week scan and of course, we have the option to find out what we’re having. After weeks of to-ing and fro-ing, deliberating and mulling it over (with a few heated discussions thrown in!) I am still undecided and the clock is ticking. I really don’t know what to do.

Firstly I should say, Pete knows exactly what he wants to do. He has been so excited from day one and he wants the surprise. He thinks finding out if it’s a boy or girl takes some of the magic away from the actual birth (I am still undecided if I feel there will be any magic in the room when I’m labouring,) but I disagree. Even if you know the gender, you don’t know what he or she looks like, what hair colour it will have, if any, eyes and all the rest.

I started off wanting to know, then I didn’t, and now I’m really undecided. I can argue it both ways. I like the idea of not knowing, as it’s our first. Although initially my thoughts were that I wanted a girl and so I thought finding out would give me time to come round to the idea of a boy, as time has gone on I have been less bothered about the sex and more interested in a healthy baby. After all, it’s a done deal now! I would never plan a gender specific pink or blue nursery, so I don’t need to know for the decorating.

But then because it’s our first, it’s all very surreal. Until feeling some movements last week I didn’t feel pregnant at all. I wonder if I knew I was having a little boy or girl would I be able to get more excited about it and bond with this little thing better before it’s born? Would I enjoy the pregnancy more if I could really immerse myself in shopping for it and picking things out with a little person in mind?

And then my thoughts oscillate back again. What if once I found out I thought, I wish I hadn’t? It’s too late then and I want to respect Pete’s wishes too, after all it’s his baby too. Either way readers, if we do find out, it’s going to be a secret! I want to share baby Norris’s arrival with appropriate fanfare and surprise everyone, including my family and friends.

So I need yo hear your thoughts to help me decide! Would you find out the sex of your baby, or did you? Maybe you’ve had more then one and done it both ways? I await your wisdom readers!

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS Feel free to guess based on the scan pic for a bit of fun! And cast your vote quickly below…

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88 thoughts on “Team Yellow…

  1. I’m definitely in the find out camp! But I just like to have all the information that’s available to me, and I think meeting your baby will be amazing enough without having to have an added surprise. Plus, no point arguing about girl names if it’s a boy!

  2. We both really wanted to find out, so we did and I was pleased we did because we wanted a girl at first. It took me a few moments to get my head round the fact we were having a boy, but very quickly I was incredibly excited – it felt like ‘oh right, our son!’. Next time I definitely wouldn’t find out because I think I’m destined to be a mum of boys, so if it was a girl it would be a nice surprise!

    It’s such a personal decision, but either way you will feel connected to your baby as soon as it starts kicking you at inappropriate moments.

      • I don’t think I’d want to find out second time either forte same reasons. We did find out this time, purely because S wanted to. It focused our minds a bit moreoon names which was good- don’t think we would have settled on a boy’s name otherwise as it caused a lot of arguments!

        Px

    • We also don’t want to find out second time around. It’s usually the other way round though isn’t it.

  3. If/when we are ever in the situation, I know that I would like to know but Rob most definately wouldn’t. We tend to make decisions based on the ‘who cares more principle’ so, for our wedding, I would have quite liked a church whereas Rob was a definite no so we didn’t. But as he really (italic stress) doesn’t care very strongly about something very often, it works OK.

    I can see the practical benefits of knowing (having had to shop for a friend’s gender neutral baby I know there is naff all gender neutral stuff out there that isn’t completely horrific) but as a baby grows mega quickly anyway, maybe you could just buy white for the first month/newborn as people will be buying clothes as gifts once Baby Norris is born and know where things are so you can order stuff online you’ve already identified. I suppose the other practical benefit is that it saves 50% of all arguments over names I suppose.

  4. I am the type of person who opens presents before Christmas Day, so I will want to know. But I know I will have a fight on my hand because Ciaran is the total opposite! But I will need to know. I don’t think he could talk me out of it. But we too may well keep it quiet from everyone else.

  5. We were team yellow. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know – a surprise is nice but I also wanted a girl at first as felt I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with a boy only having a sister and wanted time to get used to the idea of a boy. My husband felt very strongly about not finding out so we didn’t. Then I convinced myself it was a boy anyway (even builders would shout at me – it’s a boy!) and was so excited for a little man. We didn’t even decide on a girl’s name. The she arrived and we were a bit shocked which is silly. Took us two weeks to name her but now, once again, I can’t imagine having a boy. If there’s a next time I’d quite like to know from a practical point of view – washing all the old clothes etc, but R is set on remaining team yellow.

  6. I always thought I’d want to know but during pregnancy I became more and more undecided. The scans felt so clinical (not like in the films!) and it just didn’t feel like the right time to find out. Overall I’m so glad we’ve waited, I desperately want to know who’s in there but it just makes me that much more excited for June 9th! I had also thought about the bonding aspect of it (after having a tough sicky 1st trimester) but as Esme said, as soon as you start feeling it kicking and doing summersaults during important meetings you’ll feel more of a connection πŸ™‚

  7. We’ve actually just booked a private early gender scan so we can try and find out before our 20 week scan before we go to Paris and have the chance to do some super cute baby shopping! I really want to know, for the reasons you’ve listed but particularly so I can start getting to know the little one. I think imagining who’s in there will really help me to feel more attached. And also – I’m so so so so curious!

    • If you go shopping in Paris go to “Du Pareil au mΓͺme” (DP am) and to Petit Bateau (The latter is kind of expensive but for a splurge like the going home outfit or something special that gets used a lot like one of those baby snowsuits for the winter I think it is wortht he splurge). When we went to Paris last October there were sales at Du Pareil au mΓͺme and we got some nice things for a good price, lots of colors, prints, patterns, fun stuff!

  8. I’m due next week and we are having a surprise! Maybe for the second one (ask me again in a few weeks if I still want another!) we would find out, but I’ve loved wondering if its a boy or a girl, and I can’t wait to find out!

  9. Well having had two I will Wade in…first time we didn’t find out and I have no regrets it was all part of the guessing and magic, second time I let my husband decide as I was so adamant first time and I wish we hadn’t found out!! We still kept it a secret from everyone bar our mums πŸ˜‰
    Enjoy the 20 week scan although I am sure you have seen them before I was amazed at how much that little Bean grew in 8 weeks.
    X x

  10. We found out and I’m so glad we did! I always thought I’d want to keep it as a surprise but it was funny how strongly I wanted to know once we’d had our 12 week scan, I think I was so worried and stressed about the 20 week scan that focusing on finding out the gender was something I needed.

    We haven’t told anyone yet, well one person (my best friend who lives in Reading), but our parents know we know and it’s caused some friction! If you do find out and want to keep it secret, my advice is tell people you did’t find out! x

    • Yep, I think if people know you know then they’re always waiting for slip ups and tricking it out of you. My mum doesn’t want to know and inlaws wouldn’t pressure us to share so no worries on that front!

  11. We were in an unusual situation because of our first baby (we didn’t find out with him) and felt it would help make the pregnancy real to find out what Max was. I think it helped me bond with him whilst I was pregnant but again – very unusual situation.

    I would say that it’s a surprise whenever you find out and the breathtaking, overwhelming, mindblowing feeling of your baby being handed to you is there no matter what. Apologies for all the adjectives, I only gave birth 4 weeks ago, ha!

    Also, I am a PLANNER so knowing with Max appealed to my controlling nature ; )

  12. We found out, but haven’t shared that info, and I like keeping everything gender neutral. Hopefully they’ll be a next time and I want to be able to use stuff again. My instincts were spot on though, and it’s really helped us in the name search too. We’re still not settled on a name but a least we have a credible short list. Roll on June. I’m 27 weeks and feel massive already.

  13. We found out, named her, told everyone. Wouldn’t change a thing were we lucky enough to conceive again.

    I suppose unless you’ve done it both ways – found out and not in different pregnancies – you don’t know if there’s any ‘extra’ magic when the time comes… I’m pretty sure there was no room for conscious pondering as to the baby’s sex whilst I was in labour, for either Phil or I!

    You never know, Baby N might be an exhibitionist and take care of the decision for you

    • Given my background (I used to scan pregnant women as part of some O&G stuff) I might see without meaning to – even more reason to decide so I can look away or not. But I really want to enjoy the scan!

      • Ha ha. I just wrote something like this but forgot the math bit and lost it. This happened to a doctor friend of mine. She caught a glimpse and so they changed their mind half way through the scan because half knowing was worse than not knowing or knowing.

      • A vet, I work with, told me he used to ultrasound animals so he spotted immediately when his partner was being scanned and was able to tell her later.

  14. I am almost 25 weeks and nearly every day until the 20 week scan I wished we were finding out. My husband had been vocal about his real inclination to keep it a surprise, and of course, there were pros and cons for both. I felt like you, would I be able to really bond with a baby when I didn’t know if it was a girl or boy? Shopping was a boring wash of beige and lemon, and I LOVE shopping!!
    Then one day my husband said something that seals the deal.
    “You’re giving me the greatest thing ever, I want to be the one to tell you whether we have a son or daighter, not some random lady looking at a screen. And then for a very brief time, the only people in the world who will know will be us.”
    I was sold. And since feeling the movements, kicks and prods, I undoubtably am developing a real bond with our little button πŸ™‚

    • I had friends like this and they got the midwife scanning lady to write it down in a sealed envelope and opened it later (they went back to the Gardens they got married in…nice touch). So the husband was the one that read the envelope and broke the news but they still found out.

      • Oh my God – that’s so lovely. I feel teary reading that. we are only newly married and trying to hold off for a little while – its a month by month struggle!! We just want to have a bit of chill time whilst married. Although, as my mother say – dont get in the way of nature! I have always believed that I would love a surprise on THE DAY, but after reading about alternative ways of finding out, I may be converted. One things for sure, I don’t want to find out lying on a bed with a slimey belly in a hospital room. C’mon ladies, we’re better than that! πŸ˜‰ x

  15. We found out as we’d convinced ourselves that we were having a boy. On the actual day I’d got myself in a bit of a tiz about the scan, so we got the sonographer to write it on a card for us and seal it in an envelope. That evening we went out for dinner and opened thd card to read ‘congratulations you’re having a girl’. It’s one of my fave pregnancy moments. It also gave us time to get used to the idea of a girland bond with her as we were so sure we were having a boy. We then kept the gender a secret so it was still a surprise for everyone.
    Ps also had a 4d scan at 28 weeks as our nhs scan pics were rubbish and got them to check the baby’s gender too!

  16. Hi Rebecca, am just catching up on your last few posts and wanted to say huge Congratulations to you both on Baby N, what an exciting 2014 you have ahead with the new house and a new baby!! No doubt he / she will have a super stylish nursery πŸ™‚

    Being a bit of an organisation freak, I was always adamant that I would want to find out the sex of our baby so that I could get the nursery / clothes sorted before baby arrives, BUT funnily enough the moment I did find out I was pregnant I pretty much changed my mind and decided to keep it a surprise. Although we did have a small moment at the 20 week scan and thought we should find out but we were both so glad we didn’t in the end. It was magical when I found out that we had a baby girl after the long labour as I had secretly been hoping for a baby girl.

    Second time round, I’m not sure what we’d do, on a practical level it makes sense to find out what you’re having now we’ve had a girl, i.e. if I’d need to get some baby boy clothes etc. but again the excitement of not knowing is great too!! For my hubby though I think he would like to find out as he is now desperate for a little boy! So we’ll see if / when it happens.

    Good luck at the scan, it really is amazing seeing how much your baby has grown since your first scan x

  17. Haha , we were on team yellow too, baby Yu has some flowery and girly stuff with owls, bunnies and hedgehogs, but she has plenty of blue stuff as well.

    We were not going to go for a blue or pink nursery anyway (actually her stroller is Royal blue), so we painted the walls yellow and decorated with many colors.

    As for the gender… I wanted a surprise, but Mark really wanted to know. And I knew if he knew I would be dying of curiosity to find out as well, so in the end we did find out. I had tears in my eyes, the 20 week scan is scary and exciting at the same time, it feels so special.

    I really did not feel any magic during labor… but, but, the moment she was out of me, that’s when it all happened. The fireworks, the joy, everything. Such a clichΓ© but it was like that, like being on a cloud, walking on sunshine, probably like what drugs feel (even though it went so fast that I could not get any form of anesthesia).

    I can not wait to read more of your updates .

    BTW I sent you an email yesterday I hope you got it? (Don’t mean to be super pushy here, just wondering)

  18. We found out the sex of both our babies, we were far too impatient not to! It was lovely to be able to call them ‘he’ and ‘she’ instead of it, and we chose both their names during pregnancy so we could refer to them by name for a long time. It absolutely didn’t take away the magic of the moment, there is nothing more magical and wonderful than meeting your child for the first time.

    When pregnant with our second child, finding out the sex really helped make it real for our 5 year old daughter too (not that this is relevant to you right now!)

  19. We found out as I was on the fence but my husband wanted to know. I’m really glad and definitely helped me bond as it was a surprise pregnancy so it had felt a bit surreal until then. We found out at a private 16 week scan as my husband wasn’t able to make the 12 week one and for me the anomaly screening of the 20 week scan was the main thing so didn’t want to be thinking about finding out when other things were being looked for. I think I’d like to have a surprise if we were to have another baby as it’d be nice to experience both ways.

  20. Congratulations on your pregnancy! In our area, scanners are not allowed to tell parents what they are having so it wasn’t really an option for us. However, after my daughter was born, my husband was asked to look to see whether we had a girl or boy and tell me, which I really liked as it meant he was involved. We were still able to buy lots of clothes and decorate her room without knowing what we were having.

  21. No bumps on the horizon for us at the moment but I know that I would want to know. I do like the idea of having it written down rather than finding out while you’re having the scan though so you can make it a special moment πŸ™‚

  22. I had quite a difficult labour but few things will be more special than Steve telling me that we had a little boy. The look on his face was priceless. Absolutley amazing; so proud. The whole pregnancy thing is female dominated naturally, but that is one thing that the dad can really do that is significant. I’m so glad we didn’t find out.

  23. We didn’t find out. Part of me wanted to because of the logistics of buying and painting and organising in advance of them arriving but I wanted that surprise. It’s one of our favourite moments from the birth as I thought we were having 1 girl and 1 boy and G thought we were having 2 boys so when they told us we had 2 girls we just looked at each other in delighted, stunned silence!! I can totally see both sides but, for me, it had to be finding out on the day. xx

  24. We decided not to find out and loved having the surprise. It was frustrating at times because the world and his mother had an opinion on what it was going to be – everyone thought it was going to be a boy, except M and I – so knowing would have stopped them in their tracks, but then people who interfere will always interfere…!

    I had the particularly lovely experience of discovering what sex our baby was for myself – I had presumed she would come out to shouts of “it’s a girl!” like in the films, but after she was out she was so quickly passed up through my legs to me that no one saw (or maybe the midwives did but didn’t let on). When I asked what she was, the midwife told me to have a look (I was too dazed for that to have occurred to me!) – I vividly remember pulling back the towel they’d just finished wrapping around her and turning to M to say “it’s a girl! We knew it was a girl!” It was absolutely magical, but I know that it would have been magical regardless – it’s hard to beat that feeling of holding your baby for the first time.

  25. We didn’t find out but I was convinced we were having a boy so when husband told me she was a girl I was a little shocked and made him double check.

    • I should maybe mention that our hospital would not have told us at the 20 week scan. We’d have needed to pay for a private scan which neither of us wanted to do.

  26. We ummed and ahhed for a long while, then decided that if we couldn’t make up our minds one way or the other then we wouldn’t find out. So theoretically we had a surprise when our baby girl was born, but actually it wasn’t a surprise at all as I somehow always knew that she was a girl.

    Whilst I was pregnant so many older women were really pleased when I told them I didn’t know the sex of my baby, I had many comments along the lines of given our current age of information this is one of the last big surprises in life and it should be kept that way. Personally I tend to agree!

  27. We didn’t want to know beforehand & as someone above mentioned I really liked the idea of S telling me the gender. As it happened we were all too overwhelmed & so were told. Not knowing did make me slow down on the buying front. I would definitely have bought a lot more & not sure any of it would have been the right size had we known, plus there is just so much gorgeousness out there to buy.

  28. I didn’t find out and I’m really glad that I didn’t. I don’t think it causes any practical problems – I bought mainly white clothes, a red/black pram, and didn’t sort the nursery out until he was 10 months old! When I was in labour I really didn’t care what the sex was I just thought ‘baby’. Then when he was finally born and he was placed on my chest I just looked at him and thought ‘it’s you!’ It was as if I’d always known who he was. I think it does take something away if everyone knows the sex beforehand, I love guessing and then finding out the sex, name and weight when the baby arrives.
    I also would be chuffed to bits either way if I have another, a girl would be different and lovely and the combination of 2 boys would be so much fun too!

  29. We had our 20 week scan 3 weeks ago. I wanted to know so much but I knew if I could just hold my nerve for that half an hour I would be glad! My husband would have liked to know but I managed to convince him to wait with me. He will chose next time (possibly!)
    Someone else has said and I have to agree, the scan was not as I had expected, we had maybe the worlds grumpiest songrapher. It was still fantastic to see him or her waving at us but the scan lady put me right off asking the sex anyway, she would have spoilt it for me.
    I’m thoroughly enjoying picking names for both, choosing ‘gender neutral’ nursery decor and generally being a bit mysterious!!

    Huge congratulations to you! Happy decision making.

  30. No no no no noooooooo!!!! πŸ™‚

    I very much believe that we are not supposed to know! It is very tempting I agree but how can you compare finding out the sex of you baby at a scan appointment to finding out in the delivery room…you can’t!! I promise Rebecca, that magical moment when you find out what you have is truly magical and labouring doesn’t take that away!!

    When our yellow bundle arrived, I pulled her up (out the pool) neither my husband or I knew if it was a girl or a boy until about a minute later when the mw asked if we knew. I held baby up and realised we’d had a girl…wye further tears if joy from daddy and I! A scan would never have been as special and you can’t take it back once you know!

    Sx

  31. Obviously, each to their and all that, but I just cannot imagine a sonographer telling me in a clinical setting being as incredible and mind blowing as looking down and discovering for myself that my baby was a girl {the first time} or my husband joyfully shouting ‘it’s a boy’ {the second time}. I cried ‘we made a boy, we made a boy’ over and over that time, I was so amazed I hadn’t produced another girl.

    Ultimately, it will be special no matter what because it will become your moment, your memory. Whatever you decide, enjoy it.

    xxx

  32. I found out with both of mine, with my first I didn’t want to as wasn’t fussed for either gender but my husband did so the sonographer wrote it on a piece of paper for me and put it in an envelope… I lasted about an hour before tearing it open, the excitement was too much!

    With our second I really wanted to find out for a couple of reasons, mainly to see whether I should keep all my sons old clothes but also so I could get used to another boy if that was the case. Deep down in my heart I felt it was a girl but my head was saying boy as my hubby is one of three boys so when the sonographer announced it was a little girl we were all delighted (apart from my 4 year old son who really wanted a brother!).

    I’m normally quite good at guessing the sex from the scan, for yours I’m going with boy!

    Have you downloaded the gender app on your iPhone? You won’t believe me but out of around 15 pregnancies I’ve tried it with it’s been wrong ONCE! It’s based on a 900 year old Chinese gender chart, if you tell me your conception month and your birthday month and year I’ll be able to tell you exactly what you’re having! πŸ˜‰
    xx

  33. I always knew I’d want to know…I like being super organised, and I imagine there will be more than enough surprises the minute he pops out! Charles hadnt wanted to know, but knew I would never be able to “keep it secret” (my face says it all usually!) so quickly came round to the idea of finding out… I also suggested a 4d scan, but the compromise has been that now he knows it’s a boy he doesn’t want to know what he’ll look like until he’s out, which is fair enough! It’s quite useful as far as names go too.. And buying clothes-I’ve now bought various boy things for the next 8months (!) whenever I see them on sale/offer.. And we can now call him our “son” which makes it more real. And I would imagine it’s quite hard not to look at the screen during the scan lol.. Having said all this, I totally understand why ppl don’t want to find out, and as you say, main thing ultimately is a healthy baby xxx

  34. We found out. I was on the fence but John really wanted to know so i didn’t mind really! If one of us was adamant they didn’t want to know then i don’t think i would have found out…

    However it turned out that the moment we found out was one of the most magical parts of the whole experience. Because of the amount of boy nephews in both families (7 and counting!) we didn’t dare wish we would have our precious girl! Telling everyone was just so lovely. My MIL was especially excited as she had 3 boys and her boys have had four boys between them. She REALLY wanted this baby to be a girl…

    Seeing everyone so pleased for us made it so much more real and for me it also really helped with the bonding as I could imagine what life might be like with her…

    However if Annie had been a boy I’m sure it would have changed the whole experience as I’m guessing Johns family may not have been so excited…

    Its a difficult one… It will be hard to keep it from your mum if she doesn’t want to know and you do know!

    My first words when she came out was “Is it definitely a girl!”

    Good luck tomorrow… that’s a lovely scan pic by the way!

    Love Rachie xo

  35. We found out – mostly because I had always assumed that I would, because I thought I wanted a girl, because I thought it would help me imagine life when the baby arrived and bond with her more closely and because I didn’t like the idea of other people (ie the hospital staff) knowing something so fundamental about the baby when I did not.

    All of that being said (I am now 25 weeks with a girl) – by the time I had my 20 week scan at about 23 weeks, I truly didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, the baby was already doing somersaults and I was chatting to her all the time (including doing deals about stillness during meetings which she constantly breaks!) and I still can’t really imagine how it will be when she gets here. All of which is just to say that I don’t think it really matters either way – go with whatever makes you and Pete feel happiest.

    And our nursery is yellow anyway (well, mustardy grey)!

  36. We’re 21 weeks so we had our 20 week scan last week. I was so nervous, I just wanted to know that everything was OK, I didn’t care what I was having, as long as it was OK. But once it was ascertained that it was OK, I was so relieved and so excited I wanted to know who this little person was that we’d just spent 40 minutes with.
    And you know what, ever since, I’ve felt so connected to this rapidly growing rapidly moving little thing. I’ve been chatting away while it squiggles away and in some way I feel more in love because I know that I have a son, not just a giant moth in there!
    I completely respect that everyone is different but for me the magic is in me growing my little boy, and feeling that I can connect with him. Like Esme, I wonder whether there would have been a period of adjustment when he hadn’t come out a girl!!
    Keeping it from people is hard though – people seem to think they have a right to know! Whereas at the moment I want to keep it between me and my 2 boys!
    Regardless with what you decide, enjoy the scan, they’re really doing amazing things in there and it’s so awesome to see, not just feel.

  37. I wanted to find out. Andy didn’t. I compromised. I’m glad we left it as a surprise. I loved the moment after Ava was born, when Andy told me “We have a daughter”.

    I have a friend who found out, and they got it wrong! They thought they were having a boy, and it was a girl!!

    I have since been told, that if you have a gender preference, you should leave it as a surprise. Apparently you will be disappointed at 20 week scan, but when the baby is born, you will both be so overwhelmed with your precious baby, you won’t care!

  38. Its such a personal decision….
    I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant with my 2nd & we have not found out either time. I really wanted to this time as I feel I would have been more prepared but my husband really wanted the surprise so we didn’t. We are both in the same line of work as you & Pete & its so tempting to look at the scan & see if we can see anything but Ive always been very good at the ‘if you don’t want to know the score look away now’ bit. I’m glad we didn’t find out both times. It really gave me something to get through the labour and its great him family & friends wondering, even if you constantly get… ‘oh you are all out front it must be a boy/girl’ .
    We planned a grey nursery & that way we could adapt the soft furnishings etc to suit a boy or girl, and we bough a few neutral clothes.
    What ever you decide it will be wonderful, just enjoy every moment of the experience of pregnancy x

  39. We found out. Initially we wanted a surprise but at the 20 week scan our technician turned to us and asked if we wanted to know the sex and we couldn’t resist! (Team pink!) I’m pleased we knew as it really helped visualise this lovely little bump that would eventually be our baby girl! Also it narrowed the name search considerably and of course I stocked up on some pretty gender specific items. (Zara baby is brilliant!) we kept the name choice quiet though which was lovely to announce.

    Personally I don’t think finding out before the birth detracted anything from the excitement of it all, if anything it enhanced it- I was meeting my daughter. Also for me mentally childbirth was such a shock I’m pleased to have had the information to process beforehand.

    So excited for you and Pete best of luck at scan! X

  40. We had sooo many discussions about this! Originally I definitely wanted to know and my husband didn’t… We both changed our minds a few times leading up to the scan and didn’t make a decision until after the scan when my husband decided he wanted to know (as the sonography hasn’t looked I then had to hop back on the table for them to check…very elegantly, obviously).

    However, as they can’t definitively tell from the scan (despite getting a good look) we still don’t 100% know if it actually is a girl so I guess we got the best of both worlds – we found out (as much as we could) but it could still be a surprise on the day. I’m not going to get anything “gender appropriate” (horrible concept!) and still refer to it as “it” – seems a bit tough on a possible boy to spend several months calling him “she”!

    Ironically, my husband who was so against finding out now wishes that we had had a definitive answer!

  41. We found out with our first chld. I think it was all new and exciting so we just got caught up in the moment. I had a really strong feeling that we were having a boy and we did. Next time round I would love it to be a surprise, I think it would be so magical not to know. I have a feeling that we will have all boys though but who knows πŸ˜‰

  42. I didn’t want to find out, but my other half really wanted to, and as he was already feeling a little removed from the pregnancy (I was feeling kicks, but he wasn’t yet), I decided to find out for him. In the end I’m really glad we did. We were both convinced it was a boy, so when we found out it was a girl it took us both a little time to get our heads round it.

    One thing I would say is don’t tell anyone you know if you want to keep it a secret. We had friends who found out but didn’t tell anyone and it caused a lot of friction in her family. We didn’t tell a soul that it was a girl and 7 months after her birth we still haven’t confessed that we knew already (we worry our parents would be hurt that we kept it from them).

    It was so nice having one part of the pregnancy that was private and our secret. Everything else is so public about being pregnant so it felt nice being able to keep that little bit back xx

  43. hi Rebecca

    we found out – mainly because I think there will be enough surprises when baby arrives and we will have the joy of meeting her and holding her etc, that the surprise of the gender seems less important at that point. Also, even though I’m the same as you, and don’t necessary want a pink or blue nursery, I found it impossible to commit to buying anything before we found out, now i am full steam ahead because I know i can buy pretty florals and pink if I want to, rather than holding back on that if I didn’t know. BUT, everyone is different so I would just weigh up the pros and cons of knowing or not knowing. Some of our family didn’t want to know, but it’s impossible to keep it secret as we are already saying ‘her’ and ‘she’ when we talk about the baby! πŸ˜‰ Good luck with your scan, it is a totally amazing experience! xxx

  44. You forgot to include a poll option for I DON’T KNOOOOWWWWW!

    I’ve always thought I would wait for a surprise, but reading everyone’s replies has made me change my mind ten times in four minutes.

    Of course, if you don’t find out, then you can’t have a “gender reveal party” with pink cupcakes or blue balloons or releasing two dozen magenta doves or whatever the hell ridiculous thing the Americans are doing these days, which would be a tragedy.

  45. Have a surprise definitely!!! Best moment of my life was finding out in the delivery room we had our boy. As my midwife put it, “If we were meant to know we would have a window on our stomachs!” πŸ˜‰ I loved the surprise, it made announcing the birth more magical. For me when I know the sex of friend’s babies, it was only the name that was a surprise, the little person was pretty much here already and known before they arrived. I admit shopping was a pain as the main options were boring white or yellow – but I did buy green, red, orange etc where I could. I have strong views on gender stereotyping so would have avoided blanket pink/blue anyway. And there have been mistakes made in scans! Imagine buying all pink only to find a little tiny surprise in the delivery room, ha ha! I loved doing all the traditional games (holding a ring over my stomach), guessing but not knowing, and finding out the way most of women have in history.

  46. Firstly Congratulations on your exciting news:) I read your blog daily and often find myself pondering over an article you have written. I’ve never commented before but when I read this it was as though I had written it myself, I have a 16 month old beautiful girl called Pearl. I always thought I would find out the sex of my baby when I was pregnant, I had it my mind that it would be like having two surprises…… The day I found out what sex and the day I gave birth a saw my baby for the first time. My husband however was very much team yellow, he is a lovely man who always let’s lets me have my own way (we have pink bedroom walls) but he was pretty adamant on this occasion, I was completely torn and felt I needed to know the sex at times but I decided to go with the surprise for my husband. Like you I wasn’t planning on a specific gender colour nursery and it also helped me curb my spending because I couldn’t buy tons of cute outfits until my baby was in my arms, which was a good job because we were inundated with lots of gorgeous outfits once Pearl had arrived and let’s be honest there’s nothing cuter that a new baby in a white baby grow anyway. My labour didn’t quite go to plan as most peoples don’t but Pearl was very late and the birth was scary, Pearl was induced and ventouse at the last minute:( but when I caught sight of her tiny little body and learnt she was a girl it was the best surprise I could ever imagine, the feeling was like no other and I’m so happy I didn’t find out what sex she was. If I had another baby I would definitely keep the sex a surprise:) good luck with your 20 week scan. Xx

  47. We found out. My husband couldn’t stand the thought of a sonographer knowing the sex of our baby and not us. I was in two minds but swayed more towards finding out as, like you, I didn’t feel very pregnant (my bump was tiny and my only symptom was tiredness) and thought this would help. When we found out we really didn’t know what to do with ourselves. It was a bit like ‘what do we do now’. I didn’t feel more connected than before I knew, which I feel is very odd. Maybe because we were convinced we were having a boy when it was a little girl.

    If im lucky enough to have baby no. 2, I won’t be finding out just to see what the difference really is. I have a feeling I will prefer not to know.

  48. We found out. Finding out I was pregnant was a surprise as we hadn’t planned on having a baby for another couple of years. So I felt like I needed to prepare and organise and plan everything. I’m a planner by nature and I couldn’t bare to wait until L-day. Luckily my husband was on the same page as me and wanted to find out too.

    We’re now hoping to give our son a sibling in the next couple of years, and have both decided we don’t want to find out. The mystery will make it feel that much more special, and we have a ton of stuff that we won’t need to buy so the planning part is already taken care of to some extent. Who knows though, we may well change our minds but I love the thought of my husband being able to tell me what we have been blessed with!

    Congratulations to you both, you’re definitely in for the ride of your lives!

    x

  49. We found out. For years I always thought I would never find out and was so disappointed when friends revealed that they were going to find out. I always thought I wanted a surprise. Until I fell pregnant. Almost overnight my thoughts changed and all of a sudden I wanted to know the gender of this little miracle growing inside me. Hubby however started off wanting to find out and then one day suddenly made the decision for both of us that we weren’t going to find out. That then made it difficult for me as I really wanted to know. We had so many discussions about it that it wasn’t until I was on the table having our 20 week scan that I made the the decision. We were going to find out. And the moment I did will stay with me. A little boy. I was so happy and instantly felt a connection with our soon to be born baby.

    Oh and I’m guessing boy for you both πŸ™‚ xx

  50. Hi, im keeping it a surprise. Have no regrets about not finding out at the 20week scan (am 25weks now). Sonographer even told us when to look away as i had told her i didnt want to know. I don’t mind about gender either way. Im not planning on buying much before the birth. Mostly I want that ultimate ‘its a boy/girl! movie’ moment at the end of labour. Good luck for your scan x

  51. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and its a surprise πŸ™‚

    Like you at first I longed for a girl but as time has progressed I’m just grateful that the baby will be a healthy one.

    Also the baby making took so long I thought ‘what’s another 9 months?!’

    I think it;s traditional to wait – both mums told us not to find out and I’m so glad we didn’t’ find out, it makes it very exciting not knowing.

  52. Interesting post! We found out because we are having twins and we felt we needed to be that little bit more prepared and I didn’t want to have to think of so many name options and combinations. If it wasn’t twins we wouldn’t have found out. We have kept it a secret between us though which feels really special and I’ve found it a relief being able to think of just two names. What is annoying is that people want to buy us clothes but can only buy us gender neutral things unless they wait a little longer (on the other hand I have been able to buy a few sneaky gender specific items which has been fun!). Good luck with it all!!

  53. Huge congratulations first of all – oddly enough the day of your blog post I had found myself wondering when Baby FF would be on the way!

    I always knew I wanted a surprise, I couldn’t imagine it any other way. There are so few magical moments in life and for us not finding out the sex made that one even more wonderful. I was so excited/relieved/overwhelmed that in end I felt what baby was rather than looked!

  54. I really didn’t want to find out. My husband really did. In the end we did and for us it was the right decision. My family is ALL girls and I felt a lot of pressure for it to be a boy. Plus I really felt strongly the baby was a boy for some reason.
    She is a girl! I was really surprised at first and didn’t properly believe it until the 32 week scan. I think it was helpful to know so I could get my head around it after being so convinced I was havingg a boy and also it helped my husband to identify more with the bump and think of her as a real person.
    With number two though we are definitely not finding out.
    Congratulations and luck whatever decision you make! Xx
    Ps we didn’t tell anyone we knew. It was fun having a little secret and meant we could still say “It’s a girl!” when she arrived. It was surprisingly easy to keep it secret.

    • I should add that you hid it really well….including continuing to have long drawn out conversations about boys names and ordering truck loads of gender neutral clothes to throw us off the scent! X x

      • Haha yes but I agree with you about the poor selection of gender neutral clothes! I balk every time I go into Baby Gap and see the swathes of hot pink and blue/brown.

  55. I expect you’re more confused than ever with all these responses but I shall add my thoughts too.

    Neither of us wanted to know so it was an easy decision for us. Connie was so wriggly during our 20wk scan I had to lie looking away from the screen anyway so there was no way I could’ve even seen enough to guess. I must admit that scan was a bit of a let down for us and I didn’t find the sonographer particularly friendly so I think I’d have been upset if she was the one to break the news if we had wanted to know.

    I had always thought it would be Ed who told me the sex in the delivery room but I was incredibly lucky, like some of your other readers, to find out and announce it myself first when I pulled her out of the water. I think that made that first moment all the more special for me.

    Also, newborns looks amazing in white xxx

    • I hope our scan is exciting – I had a similar experience at our 12w scan, the sonographer tilted the table with my head down and apart from when she briefly turned around the screen to say ‘there it is’ I didn’t see any of it. At the time I wasn’t bothered as I just was relieved all was well, but now I know it’s definitely in there I’m curious to see more of this little person!

  56. We didn’t find out which was my husbands choice. I was undecided and then decided not to find out as he felt quite strongly about it and I was on the fence. I had a pretty traumatic birth and actually the surprise was the only nice bit (until I eventually got to hold her a few hours later). They let daddy see her and then he told me which was really special it came from him too. Saying that, if we are lucky enough to have another baby I would like to find out but mainly to help my daughter come to terms with a pending arrival!

  57. The other bonus of not finding out is having lots of beautiful white clothes and lovely gender neutral nurseries!

  58. Congratulations!!!

    I was desperate to find out, along came our 20 week scan and baby had other ideas.
    Legs crossed.
    I moved every which way, the scan lady wiggled and wobbled my tummy around but to no avail. She said if she had to guess she’d say baby was a girl but she couldn’t be certain. I was disappointed. I thought our baby was a boy.
    Anyway, she was only guessing, there was still a chance we’d have a boy. We bought a mixture of unisex, some boys and some girls things (I had friends pregnant at similar times so I could always gift the ones that weren’t right!!!

    After 12 hours of labour out came our baby, and it was a girl.

    Was I disappointed? Hell no. And I am so glad we didn’t have a boy now and if I were to get pregnant again I’d want another girl because I love this one so much!!!
    Don’t find out. It’s more fun wondering and guessing. Plus, you’ll probably find that even if you do find out and buy loads of things accordingly you’ll end up going out and buying them more once they arrive anyway because you’re then dressing their little personality and their little looks.
    With life how it is these days we have all the information we could ever want at the touch of a button, sometimes it’s nice to have a little surprise and whether your baby ends up in pink or blue you will be so in awe of him/her after childbirth you won’t care which one you thought you wanted
    Xxx

  59. Even before I was pregnant I knew I would want to find out; husband totally agreed so we found out at our 20 week
    scan then also had a private one to completely confirm!

    For me I just wanted to be able to get everything organised and the only having to find one name was definitely good for us as name choosing is hard!

    If we have another I would definitely find out again no question. x

  60. I have done both. With our first two children we found out. Curiosity got the better of us and it was much more practical to find out (money, bedrooms, get our heads around the whole thing!) With our third, and definite final, baby we kept it a surprise. I had this daft idea that the big reveal would make the labour pain-free and all magical… I should have known better! ….But that moment when you’re all together and all is okay is everything. That is what it is all about. The big reveal didn’t really happen for us as I’d imagined. We actually forgot to ask and it was the midwife that prompted us!

    My personal preference is to find out. I didn’t feel that the scanning room was clinical, no more than the labour room at least. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy keeping it as a surprise. I think I missed naming my bump more than anything else, especially in the last few weeks.

    Go with your gut feeling. You probably already really know what you want to do deep down.

    Good luck
    X

  61. Hi guys!
    Aww such awesome news, I’m so very happy for you both!
    Isn’t it such a magical time? I loved having my bump;-)
    We didn’t find out the gender (although I knew he was a boy and I knew that
    I would deliver early) don’t know how, but I was right on both!
    Baby boy born @ 34 wks!! Scary or what?? Haha
    I found it was better that we didn’t know, but you know
    Everyone is different… If you were to find out and not Pete, could you keep it to yourself?? ;-))
    Either way, baby Norris is going to be a very much loved and wanted
    Little bundle of joy, first of many we hope!
    Have you any names picked yet???
    Oh and by the way, my gut instinct says she’s a girl;-))
    Gorgeous just like her mummy.
    Lots of love n beat wishes
    Amanda xxxxx

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