Never go to sleep on an argument.

Almost 2 weeks ago now it was Pete and I’s 4th wedding anniversary. When we got married, we asked everyone along with the guest book to write their ‘Advice for a happy marriage’ on little cards and envelopes that we collected in a huge apothecary jar. It was our intention to open them on our first wedding anniversary but we forgot and each time I came across them, or remembered them, it was far enough away from another anniversary that we forgot again. This year I stumbled across them more recently and kept them out purposely so we wouldn’t forget again this year.

And so it was that 4 years later we sat on the bed after dinner and took turns to open them and read the advice. Predictably, there were silly ones and funny ones amongst the lovely advice. I was surprised that we could guess who wrote what, even though most were unsigned and whilst we read them out, laughed and pondered, happy memories came flooding back. Like our polaroid photo guest book it was amazing the way you are transported back to that single day.

Just talk to each other and listen to what they have to say, simple.

Find space in your togetherness.

You are two parts of a whole, cherish each day together like it is your last.

Pick your battles!

Love, care and laugh. Don’t be too serious, but listen seriously.

Forgive one another before being asked.

The most dispensed piece of advice was a recurring theme and several of our guests wrote the same sentence…

Never go to sleep on an argument.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never really bought into that particular piece of advice and there have definitely been occasions when we haven’t followed it. Maybe I’m feeling sentimental but recently it struck me that it’s representative of everything that should be good about a marriage. Forgiveness, rising above day to day trials and trivial gripes because what’s important is that you’re together. Loving someone and making sure they know it every day; that they can go asleep secure in that knowledge every night. Putting your relationship first.  Facing problems and life together as a team.


Image Credit: Raw Photography

I know whenever we have gone to sleep on an argument, I’ve always woken feeling sheepish, the disagreement long forgotten. The reasons I had for feeling angry or exasperated always feel trivial and not worthy of the time spent back turned and without the other for comfort.

So I wondered did you do anything similar at your wedding? Have you ever been given advice for your marriage and like me, has your opinion changed as your relationship grows older? Have you got any advice to share here that you have learned from experience?

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS It’s been a while since I’ve written a personal post – but I’m hoping to write more in the coming months and hope you’ll all join in and add your thoughts in the comments.

Past personal posts…

Three years and counting…

Today, as you read, it’s Pete and my third wedding anniversary, an occasion for leather gifts (if you happen to be following the traditional system of gifts) and reflection. I love that so many of my readers are going through the same life events as me, settling down, getting engaged, married and starting a home or family, so I wanted to mark the occasion in some way and hear your thoughts.

I naturally started thinking, how are things different now, compared to when we were first married? Although some people say they felt no difference after getting married, perhaps considering their relationship no less solid before that little bit of paper, I felt a huge change. A sense of solidarity, like we were truly a team, for better for worse. I was pretty pleased I bagged my man, he’s a keeper. 😉

Fast forward 2 years, at the start of our third year of marriage and we were already in testing times. I wasn’t all that happy in my work and blogging had taken over. I’m not proud of that. Pete in contrast was happier than ever with a new job and the only mar on the landscape of his life was the fact that he saw very little of his wife. He kept the house clean, cooked my dinner and kept me emotionally sane, greeting me at the door with a glass of wine most evenings. And when life as I knew it fell apart, he quite literally had my back.

When I think now about what marriage means, more than ever I see it as taking care of one another, Pete is a wonderful husband to me and back then, I was not a good wife. I knew it, I felt guilty, but I was too busy to really see it. Pete taught me by his actions back then more than anything else could about what it is to be a good husband or wife.

Thank goodness, fate intervened and life at the beginning of year four is a completely different picture. The feminist in me takes pride in being an equal partner once again, sharing the load of daily life. Little things I do for him are not acts of servitude, but kindness, probably because they are returned in equal measure. I am still so lucky that Pete accepts and encourages Florence Finds as an achievement, supporting me when I need a little extra help to get by.

So, although there have been monumental changes in the last year, to my life and our lives together, the result has been a change in our marriage, for the better.

Now it’s your turn readers. I’d love to hear if what I’ve shared today resonates – if a big life event has come along and tested your marriage or relationship already or maybe I’ve just reminded you to take care of each other a little more. On a more light hearted note, I’d love to hear of any ingenious gifts you have bought each other for anniversaries that signify the early years… perhaps some ideas for number four?! 😉

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS – The images throughout this post are a sneaky peek into our holiday so far.. not the glossy blog shots edited for your enjoyment, but the cheesy end of your outstretched arm shots and the ones you ask other people to take. The ones that make memories, so please forgive the blur/bad lighting etc.

PPS – Think the tandem is funny? Seriously you should try it… it’s a one-way ticket to marriage counselling on 2 wheels 😉

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