Mama Body

I’m often thinking about motherhood issues I’d like to share here and rarely get time to sit and tap something coherent out but I’d love to encourage some honest discussion, so here’s the first in a series… more to follow.

Let’s cut to the chase today, how do you *really* feel about your body now you have had a baby?

I’ve thought about writing this for months… putting it off mainly because I wanted to reach the fabled ‘other side’ that I’d read so many other super mums accounts of. The holy grail of your pre-pregnancy weight, feeling like you’ve ‘got your body back‘ and regaining your pre-motherhood confidence. Turns out at 19 months post partum, I don’t think for me at least, that perfect triad actually exists. My body has gone through many stages – post partum ‘bump’ (that lasted weeks longer than I expected,) then months where I was heavy but truly didn’t care as I was so wrapped up in my beautiful baby. The first realisations that I wanted to try and get my weight down only started to creep into my mind around 10-12 months after having Bea and co-incidentally, perhaps with a slightly conscious moderation of my cake heavy diet, I started to very slowly move towards my pre-pregnancy weight. For a while I was happy with the slimmer silhouette I saw in the mirror then I started to look at the finer detail. And it’s fair to say I don’t love what I see.


Image of Amanda, via the 4th Trimester Bodies Project on Instagram

I’ve gone to write this so many times and hesitated. In part I suppose I hoped I’d miraculously lose weight/clean up my eating habits/suddenly find the desire or time to start exercising regularly and the whole issue would go away. In part because it’s like there’s some kind of shame in admitting that under your clothes (because in reality most of what I dislike isn’t really visible,) isn’t as attractive as the media tells us it should be. And whilst I know there are truly genetically lucky women (some amongst my friends,) who have lost weight quickly, through feeding or otherwise, and still look great, the media and just your average blogger posting about how they got their weight down/body back by cutting out sugar/rediscovering their love of pilates/breast feeding, really doesn’t help.

So the truth about my body is that it still doesn’t feel like my own. I’m still feeding Bea morning and evening. This week she has been particularly clingy and my body rarely feels like my own unless she’s asleep in her cot and then, ironically I miss her. My boobs haven’t done too badly for feeding her and don’t look a whole lot different, although I’m currently missing the fullness pregnancy and feeding imparted. I’m sure everybody feels differently about the parts of their body that are different after a baby, but for me it’s my middle that bothers me the most. My waist seems to be just… absent. And my stomach muscles, whilst still present, (I know – I regularly try to tense them to check they are still there!) are hidden under a layer of blubber and seem intent on just sagging out of shape when I am relaxed… so all the time. But the thing I hate the most is the skin. I got stretch marks under my bump in about my 35th week of pregnancy. I expected it because I suffered with stretch marks in my teens but they are so faded now I hoped they would disappear to the barely visible silvery lines the earlier ones left. Whilst they are less visible now and pale, they’ve totally altered the texture of my skin. Stood upright you’d never notice but any bending forwards reveals the crepe-like texture and loose skin I loathe.

Loathe is a strong word and not how I feel about my ‘self’ I hasten to add. Fortunately I have never based my self worth on my external appearance but even though I consider myself to be unusually self confident, there have to be things and times when you don’t feel perfect. Even as I write this I feel almost defeated in admitting it. I’m mentally straining for a positive comment or course of action to round off this blog post with, to say what I’m going to do about it, or how I’m going to change myself. But I think what I really want to say is it’s ok to feel like this. That maybe acceptance is the way forwards and the way to ultimate happiness about your body after having babies. Perhaps the cliched end is that I’d go through it all again and worse for Bea. Being a mother is so much better than having a perfect (if it ever was) body and I’d much rather spend time with her than time pursuing it. In my case, most of the time motherhood is distracting enough to prevent me dwelling on the reality of my ‘new’ body. But it’s a part of motherhood nonetheless.

Now it’s time to hand over to you. How do you really feel about your body? Have your feelings changed? Perhaps you feel differently to me? I’d love to hear your thoughts readers :)

Rebecca x

Love thy best bits…

I’m quite a positive person in general and that includes my self image. Let’s not get this confused with arrogance, I’m under no illusions that I am any kind of amazing in the looks or body department, but you know what? I actually quite like myself, so I’m not going to start beating myself up about a few stray extra pounds, the odd episode of less than perfect skin or chipped nails.

I think part of that attitude stems from being busy, and sometimes quite literally not giving a passing thought to looking in the mirror from leaving the house (and sometimes not even then!) to going to bed at night. But part of it is also not dwelling on impossibilities. If you happen to be an English pear with a magnificent posterior, pour it into a pencil skirt and wiggle as you walk… then watch the heads turn! Have you been blessed with height or wish you’d been closer to the front of the queue when boobs were being allocated? Work to your strengths in outfits that would drown your smaller friends or plunging necklines that would make your bigger busted friends look like a bar maid ;) There’s always a silver lining!

I could go on forever about media influences, unhealthy role models, busy life styles, but at the end of the day, we’re all in control of our own thoughts and I wanted to get all of you thinking about yourselves in a fabulous Florence frame of mind.

However, frankly, I am only human, and like many of you I’m sure, negativity does sometimes get the best of me. For one reason or another I’ve been feeling less than enamoured with my appearance recently in various departments and it made me think that aside from writing this post, I should be focusing on the best bits, the bits of me that I love, instead of mentally listing my physical failings. That is most certainly not what Florence Finds is about. Here is where you find out how to be the absolute best you can be, whether that’s in the kitchen, home, garden, at work or out having fun looking fabulous.

So I thought it would be a good moral boosting exercise this morning to write a list… Not just me but all of you too. Here goes…

  • I like my eyes, almond shaped and greeny-blue, I like to think they’re my best feature.
  • My lips also do a good line in fuschia pink or racy red pouts.
  • Whether I’m thin or feeling a bit wobbly, from mid thigh down, my legs never give the game away.  - You’ve got to love a sequinned t-shirt dress!

Geez, that felt uncomfortable!

Don’t leave me hanging here ladies… Take a second to think about the bits of you that you love, and leave a comment in the box below sharing your three best bits. I think I should start calling you all Florence’s angels :)

Love,
Rebecca
Xo.

*Image Credits: Bird and body both from Pinterest.com

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