Selling Out

In the past here on Florence Finds I’ve talked about doing what makes you happy, my career, finding balance between working and blogging, having a life plan, growing up and wanting different things.

Recently, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the future, work, money, babies… and my job has been playing a starring role in those thoughts. 12 months ago, I had just completed my final years training, become a fully fledged GP. I wasn’t ready to plan for a move into a long term job and happily that coincided with me starting Florence Finds. I worked part time locuming here and there, and filled my time creatively. Looking back it was the best thing I could have done. It gave me a much needed break. Time to look back at where I’d come from and how I got here. Sometimes we get so busy on a path working towards a goal that we don’t ever stop to think about whether it’s still the same thing we wanted when we started. Life changes, what we want and need now is often different to how we felt 5 and 10 years ago.

It has been a useful 12 months. At times I felt like I was stuck in a rut, treading water, watching my career stall and failing to progress Florence Finds. What I have come to realise is that Florence Finds is essential to my enjoyment. It represents every aspect of my life outside of work and I cherish that balance. But how do I put myself in the position to enjoy life out of work? I go out and earn money, just like the rest of you.

Image Credit: Script Gods must Die

A lot of my focus recently has been the immediate future. It’s amazing how the thought of planning a family changes your outlook on what you need. For years Pete and I have talked about moving and six and a half years later we’re still where we started. We’ve talked about saving and shamefully haven’t made much of an impact on building a positive bank balance. We’ve had a brilliant time on holidays, spent money decorating the house and lived it up while we could. It has allowed me the luxury of time to spend on Florence Finds – although it turned out to be the minority rather than the planned majority of the year, I’ve been able to work part time and concentrate on other projects.

Just recently I was offered a short term job in a place that I love and the opportunity to earn more money. The big niggle, it is more hours than I like to work and is going to throw one more ball into the mix of roles that I’m juggling. 12 months ago I might have said no to this great opportunity, but my priorities have changed and so have I. Of course I’d love to work part time on Florence Finds, but that new house isn’t going to buy itself, that potential mortgage won’t be covered if I take maternity leave without me setting aside time and financial security in the meantime.

Despite knowing all that, it feels like selling out. It feels like it’s not what I planned for, which is odd because¬†Florence Finds¬†was never meant to be a new job or career. I guess it relates back to my post about ambition, and how it’s not acceptable to say, I want more money, bigger things. Don’t get me wrong, day to day, that’s not a mantra – there are more important things in life. But you can’t deny that life costs money and my new dream, moving house, requires it. And if I sit here saying ‘there are more important things in life‘ for the next 5 years, I’m still going to be no better off and no closer to building a better home for my future family. It’s romantic and a great story to talk about pursuing dreams.

I wondered, have any of you realised your goals have changed recently – has it lead you to make decisions that you might not have expected your future self to make some time ago? You might be doing exactly the opposite of what I’m doing, making like I did 12 months ago and stepping back for a while. I’d love to hear your thoughts…


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