Making Friends when you’re a grown-up

One of the best bits of my experience blogging, prior to starting Florence Finds, was the networking, the meeting people, the making new friends. By nature, I’m a sociable person, I really look forward to meeting new people when there are events and parties booked into my diary, whether it’s with people I’ve conversed with on twitter, in real life fleetingly at events or people who are totally new to me.


Image Credit: Erin Ever After

Many a time however, it has occurred to me that if it wasn’t for me having this new avenue to explore or experience in life, how else would I have continued making new friends?

I hadn’t ever given it any thought until a couple of years ago when my friendship circle started to dwindle as we all entered a new chapter in our lives post-university. Couples moved away for new jobs at first, then in recent years, they started having babies. Girls nights out have become less frequent and trickier to arrange! It all seems unimaginably grown up. And in the latest chapter my friend Laura is heading off to Canada for a year or two for a married adventure with her husband. Sometimes it feels like everyone is leaving one by one.


*Image Credit: Sartorialist

Along with that, I’ve also reached that point in my career where I am no longer moving around and could soon settle into a permanent job, where I could stay with the same colleagues and staff for the rest of my working life, with little change in those around me to encourage new friendships.

I know that a natural time to make new friends is when having children – pre-natal groups, baby groups, at the school gate, but that’s still some way off for me I think, so I often wonder, How do adults make new friends?


Image Credit

We’re not all so dynamic as to be able toΒ take up a new hobby regularly or lucky enough to have the time. I’m also aware that whilst my friends have moved on, I’ve been the lucky one, staying in the same place without any of the stress or uncertainty of starting afresh elsewhere. Perhaps you’re one of those people, who had to start again somewhere new, or maybe you were uprooted because of your partner having to move which must be even harder. I can imagine that if you’re not outgoing it might be really hard to reach out to new people and result in feeling lonely and isolated – life is really hard when your best friend isn’t around for some reason.


Image Credit

I’m hoping that Florence Finds will become a place where you can have a little mobile piece of home, like a virtual comfort blanket of supportive ladies who can start helping each other today. I’d like you all to share your stories if you have any experience of moving jobs and areas, away from those you love, your friends or family. Maybe you’ve got that situation looming or are going through it now, or maybe you’re the one staying put but losing a friend… I’d love to hear how you dealt with it and made a new life and friends somewhere new and hopefully leave those with the situation yet to face feeling a little less daunted or apprehensive.

Lots of here’s-to-making-new-friends-in-new-places love,
Rebecca
Xo

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34 thoughts on “Making Friends when you’re a grown-up

  1. A lot of my uni friends have moved away and my good friends from home feel a bit distant now. There are 5 of them still living in my hometown and only me who’s escaped and I feel a bit out of the loop! I’ve found it quite difficult as an adult to make new friends. I tried book groups, classes etc but found they didn’t really help me make proper friends. My current job, for all it’s faults, has a great group of people, sociable and many around my own age. I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting up with a few bloggers in my area who have all been lovely. I think it’s really hard and sometimes I feel very lonely, especially since I love to meet and chat to people. I sometimes worry that I’m losing my social skills!

  2. My parents used to worry that I was rubbish at making friends because I used to like my own company so much as a child but actually I think that has made me better as an adult. I’m not scared to go to things on my own – in fact I prefer it sometimes.

    My OH works late late hours sometimes so when I moved to a new city to live with him I was still living alone Mon-Thurs which forced me to make some friends pretty quick! I’ll go to supperclubs, wine tastings, shop and restaurant openings on my own and you always get chatting to someone you’ll get on with as you already have a bit of common ground from the type of event you are at. I also found having a bit of a routine helped as well, if you are a regular at a coffee shop you are a lot more likely to bump into people which makes it easier to become friends.

    Also Twitter is great because I found asking for someone’s mobile number really daunting and a bit teenage whereas twitter lets you contact people without wondering if they think you are a stalker!

  3. I have to admit, as a female adult, it is harder to make friends (well for me anyway). A lot of my friends have moved away, or I’ve moved from them, and with my husband working away pretty often it can be a bit rubbish.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made some of my best friends at work, and also with my husband’s friends other halves… but my hobbies aren’t the most sociable and the area where I live doesn’t offer a lot of mingling opportunities.

    I often think men have it easier, I can take Mr P anywhere and he automatically has common ground with other men – sport. What’s ours? I often wonder.

    Another woman said it all to my husband at a recent wedding… “why is it that women don’t speak to other women, your lady is the only woman that’s spoken to me the entire day”.

    xoxo

  4. I’m so glad you’ve written this Rebecca. I have this idea that everyone else’s life is like a film in which friends and neighbours pop in all day every day and women (other than me) are constantly out with their friends doing ‘stuff’. It’s nice to know the reality is that most people feel a bit ‘friendless’ at times. With jobs, partners, kids and the other things that keep us busy every day, we can’t expect to have the kind of social life we may have had when we were 16, 18, 21…

    I really like the idea of Florence Finds being a virtual comfort blanket!

  5. We moved to London straight after I finished Uni and knew NO-ONE here but I was lucky to make some brilliant friends through work in my first 4 years here. Since then (3 years) I’ve struggled as I’ve moved jobs and hadn’t had met anyone new until I got into twitter which I was so dubious about at first but now I think is brilliant.

  6. Brilliant post. My best friend has recently moved to Africa for two years and I am missing her more than I thought I would – although we didn’t used to meet up that often, the fact that she is no longer just a train ride away makes me quite sad.

    I find it relatively easy to make friends in the sense of people to ‘hang out’ (god I sound like an extra from Neighbours…) and have fun with but making true friends (the kind you can talk to about anything and know you won’t be judged) as an adult is very difficult in my opinion. My work is very sociable and I have lots of good friends here, but the simple fact is that they are colleagues and that will always limit the friendship slightly in terms of what I will be prepared to confide to them about etc.

    Bring on the Florence Friends gang!

  7. Hi everyone!

    I thought this would strike a chord with people and thanks so much for your responses – many a good point already.

    Katie you’re so right… I never worry about taking Pete places, he is naturally outgoing but he’ll talk sport all day long. Women are so diverse and dare I say it judgemental(?) that we decide if we have something in common with people without even talking to them I think.

    In the last 2 years I’ve met Annabel from Love My Dress, Becky (the florist at Blossom), Zoe (who took the pictures of Laura recently with the 70’s make-up tutorial), the fab Mahj, the AOW girls and of course Gemma. Aside from it being fab to make new friends I love the diversity they bring to my life – all my other friends do what I do and it’s fascinating to meet people with new talents. Its also interesting that a few of them are 5-10 years older than me, or a few years younger, but it doesnt matter as you get older.

    Linsey – I think the hardest thing is converting people you ‘meet’ into proper friends as you say, taking that leap and asking if they want to meet for a coffee, go out for a drink or go to a class with you etc. It’s hard but I think you have to put yourself out there – what’s the worst that can happen? They say no, or you don’t enjoy it and don’t do it again! You can do it!

    Anna – I think the trick when you’re busy is to make an effort to schedule things in, even if it’s only a phonecall, keeping in touch helps prevent you feeling isolated.

    xo

  8. In the last seven years I’ve moved six times around the UK, all bar the last one being moves to new towns and cities. My parents also made a significant move after I left for uni, so keeping up with old school friends has been hard. Love it or loath it, Facebook has been essential in keeping in touch with old friend scattered across the UK.

    Forming new friendships over this period of time has been tricky, although I have a few really brilliant friends in my last place of work. I’m not sure going to get easier any time soon as I leave for work at 7am and get back at 7pm (live outside of London and commute in). Having lived in the same town now for nearly four years its a bit of a sad admission that I don’t really “know” anyone there (I do speak to the elderly neighbours, but they aren’t really “friend material”) and its reassuring to hear I’m not the only one with this “challenge”.

    I completely get that may women will make new friends through their babies and children, but that’s not on my life’s to-do-list, so if anyone can make any suggestions for this time poor girl please let me know!

  9. What a fabulous topic. I think that I too imagine what Anna has described with other people having more friends and getting up to more exciting things than me!

    After I graduated from university in Glasgow I moved down to the south of England, where I lived with my now husband for nearly 5 years which pretty much resulted in me growing apart from the 4 wonderful flatmates that I lived with for 4 years at uni. Now we have moved back to Glasgow and I feel that I am losing friends all over again. A number of them have children and I long to be able to pop round for a coffee or a chat, rather than only getting to catch up a few times a year.

    Whilst I find it relatively easy to meet new people and hang out (as Katie put it) it is so difficult to become good friends in adult life. Do boys have it easier?!?

    Here’s to becoming a fab gang of FF friends πŸ˜€
    xx

  10. Okay, well I’m not sure whether you intended for a guy to reply to this, but I wanted to add in my own view, especially as this topic has been bugging me for years and is something I talk about quite frequently. The first myth I want to dispel is that all men like sport. I’m a man (if you hadn’t put two and two together!), and I have absolutely ZERO interest in sport. I know nothing about it whatsoever, and consequently there are many times when I feel left out of things because I simply have no idea or even a view on what people are talking about when they talk ‘sport’.
    For me to make friends with somebody, or to get on well with them, there has to be some mental connection…something that goes well beyond having a mutual interest such as sport.
    I am not ‘laddish’ or particularly outgoing, and so I can’t be ‘one of the boys’, and this does make it difficult because for some reason, most guys think that all other guys are just like them. Consequently I find myself having to explain that I didn’t actually see that match on TV…
    I think it is definitely more difficult to make friends as you get older. I have met people who I could theoretically be friends with, but what you find sometimes is that older people already have well-established social circles, and so there’s not always room for a newbie. For this reason I have made quite a few individual friends who I meet on a one to one basis, and they step outside of their usual social circle of friends to see me. Sometimes it would be nice to have a proper group of friends who all know each other, like when I was young(er).
    I also find that when friends have children, they change, and for some reason it feels like we don’t have as much in common anymore. It wasn’t something I ever thought about until a friend had a baby, and then things changed. The same happened with a couple of other friends who had babies.
    The depressing thing is that social media doesn’t always help with friendships. I know this is going to sound a little bit sad (and not in the boo hoo way)…I have a pretty modest number of ‘friends’ in my Facebook account. It was recently my birthday, and we all know that Facebook reminds you when any of your friends have a birthday. Well, I got 4 messages from my Facebook friends to say Happy Birthday. That’s around 4%. One of them was family, two were from photographers who I loosely know from twitter, and the other was a guy I know from a photography forum I used to belong to. I kind of felt like ‘COME ON- Facebook even reminded you it was my birthday!’ given that so many people didn’t acknowledge my birthday. So many people in social media follow or friend you merely for their own self-promotion…they have little interest in the person they’re following- they just want to expand the group of people they can promote themselves to, and ‘up’ their own numbers. I tend to go for quality rather than quantity and I do try to interact with the majority of people I have chosen to follow or friend.
    I would like it to be easier to make friends though, definitely. Sorry, I think I wrote an essay!

    • Guys are very welcome Christian!

      Totally get what you mean… I used sport as an example with Pete but it is the stereotypical Guys banter topic and I have a couple of friends whos husbands don’t really like sport either so it makes them appear quieter than they really are.

      Also hearing you on the social media thing – twitter can be so false, I talk to real friends on there but also observe people who aren’t friends or who I’ve separately heard being not very kind about each other basically ‘keeping up appearances’ for PR or business purposes. Sad really.

      Although this article was about female friendship in actual fact it’s men who seem to get more isolated as they get older. I observe it a lot in parents friends etc… the wife has friends who she does coffee mornings and lunch with, but bar golf, men rarely meet up. Maybe you need to start a mens group or organise a monthly day out. πŸ™‚

      xo

      • Thanks for the reply, Rebecca. Just to say that it wasn’t a criticism of your post (about the sports thing)…the vast majority of people do think that sport is something all men are into, and like you have said, people end up thinking I’m really quiet, or even aloof. Just the other week I was on a plane and the male air steward came round dishing out magazines. He got to me and said ‘Fifa magazine?’ I didn’t even know there was a magazine called that πŸ™‚

        I had plenty of friends at school but then uni came and we all kind of grew apart. I think we look for different things from our friendships when we get older.

    • Wow Christian! I myself being also male, can relate to every single word you said. Although my circle of friends consist of 4…. Sure, I have 27 Facebook “friends” ( I’m still trying to figure that out), and I too recently had a birthday but not 1 single acknowledgement…. I’m okay with it, but wow… as far as myself, I have to say it really did hurt.

      Nor do I subscribe to the sports analogy, but I get where Rebecca is coming from also. Not to sound pathetic, but I cannot count the amount of times that I tried to meet new friends through some form of social media. But I find (as a male), that even online, I am stereotyped… A guy tries to say hi to a female online and instantly, he’s labeled creep.
      A guy tries to reach out and say hello to another guy, and he’s taken to be homosexual….

      I found this site after searching ” Why is it whenever I make new friends, they move away?”…. Can’t say I’ll ever find that answer but what I CAN say is that after reading your post, I no longer feel so alone…..

      Rebecca, I think you’re forum is great and I do apologize for posting. Thank you.

  11. This is a really good topic! My husband and I have just started an evening cooking class as something to do in the dark winter evenings but it can sometimes seem a bit difficult to strike up a conversation with strangers that you may not see again after the next 6 weeks!

    We have been considering a move to another country and think that being new to an area may make us more likely to make an effort to make friends, whereas having lived where we do for a while it seems a bit more awkward to ‘try’ and make friends!

    I agree that it seems a lot of friendships are made when you have children, but that may be a while off yet for us! Its nice to know I am not the only one who finds it hard! x

  12. Being on the other side of the world (an Aussie for those who don’t know!!) from my family and childhood friends, I love that I have my ‘internet friends’ in the UK… some of the LOVLIEST people I’ve met in the last few years including Rebecca, the AOW gals, Rachie from a Chichi affair and Rachbakes Rach, not to mention Olive Dragonfly Bex and Bella and myriad others from Twitter have only come about through blogging/social media. I think we as women (or maybe society in general Christian?!) put FAR TOO MUCH pressure on ourselves to be perfect and sometimes that can lead to being judgemental of our friends. Long live FlorenceFinds and FlorenceFriends… now all we need is to organise some kind of a meet-up… Rebecca? I’ll bring the bacon flavoured crisps….

  13. I think Twitter (less Facebook) is a great tool for making friends – I’ve definitely cemented a few acquaintance-type friendships that way. I do think it’s more of a girl thing to suggest meeting up for coffee with somebody you don’t know that well though – can’t imagine men doing the same.

    I’ve only recently felt part of a proper friendship group where I live, despite being in the same city for 11 years now. I was always going back to my hometown to spend time with my old school friends. It was a book group that did it for me, I think, I started one myself (very non poncy) and brought together an incredibly disparate group of people who I Iiked, but who didn’t know each other. We all go out together socially now, and the book group has been running for three years! My best advice is to start a group that involves your own interests, rather than joining something pre-existing. That way you’re guaranteed to like the people and the activity – just cross your fingers they’ll get on with each other…

    Px

  14. OMG bacon crisps, I’m there! πŸ˜‰

    I was super lucky when moving to Glasgow as I already had one friend living here (from uni) and although we moved for hubby’s (then bf) uni course, I obviously started a new job too, and then another as that was a complete disaster, and then another since that was a disaster as well (not all me btw but that’s another story!). The good thing was that then I met a few different people and am still in touch with one of them, despite having only worked with her for a week but we kept in touch on facebook and got closer and she was invited to our wedding this year. I was also very lucky to have a wonderful neighbour just a few years older than me who welcomed me and included me in her circle of friends which included her old neighbour (who we bought the flat from). Those two are now two of my closest friends and were my bridesmaids at our wedding, I found them all because of where we chose to live!! Both of them now have children (one already did when I moved in) and although we still see each other often, it is the nights out and spontaneous outings that I miss – having no one else to share them with.

    I think a lot of luck is involved when making friends as an adult – what kind of things you are into does shape where you might meet potential new friends and if you are a cosy reader type who doesn’t participate in group activities like sport or other clubs then I can see how it would be difficult. I have never had a huge group of friends and tend to be similar in that I have a few good friends from different times of my life who I stay in touch with and I love that but it would be nice to meet a few more local buddies for nights out etc.

    That’s why I love twitter (relatively new to it since blogging for a few months) and have already met some amazing women this way and get so excited about it! (I’m surprised I haven’t scared them off, I get a bit enthusiastic and over-talkative – much like this comment, oops!) Gemma being one of them. The fact she moved to London literally days after meeting me might have worried me but she’s agreed to meet up again when I visit tomorrow! πŸ˜‰

    I am so glad to have the support of blogs like this where a sense of community is cultured and twitter where it’s so easy to keep in touch and see who you might have something in common with. We will most likely end up having to move to England in 2 years for hubby again as his chosen career is most likely going to force us down south and I find the thought incredibly daunting, what if we aren’t so lucky with the neighbours next time!

  15. Here is my two penny worth… (as my Nan would say..!)

    I’ve been thinking about this alot recently as lots of my friends that live near me either now have babies, so its a lot tougher to fit in the social meet ups (and when we do we have less in common) or are now moving away. One of my good friends/ex flatmate has just moved 100 miles away and we used to meet up for a good old gossip and dinner at least every 3 weeks. One of my other good friends is also going travelling for six months πŸ™ I also miss my bestie who emigrated to Australia 6 years ago

    Agree its a tough one to make new friends when you are older. I reckon I have one new friend that I am now really close to in the past five years and we have bonded over blogs so I guess it helps to have things in common. I do think Men have it a bit worse though – H2B has so many friends with babies now and its really hard to get them to go out…

    I do think when we have babies (hopefully!) we’ll reconnect with a few more of our couple friends who have little ones…. It feels like a bit of a transitional phase at the moment. Literally when we go out the only question people ask us is do we have children and when we say no – they find someone else to talk too!!

    Rachie xo

  16. Such a great article and so true – I just try to not try too hard and not worry about it but sometimes I just get the balance wrong – it is so difficult xxx

  17. Goodness, Rebecca, how did you know that’s what has been on my mind for the past…hmm… 6 months?!
    I’ve left my home country nearly 10 years ago. I was young(er), had lots of friends and felt confident that I would have triplicated my friends by coming to a foreign country. Ten years on and, apart from my husband, I feel I haven’t been able to develop any deep friendship with anyone. I have lots of lovely friends to hang around with, but still haven’t met the one who just gets me, like my friends from young age.
    I also struggled to get close to anyone here because all the people I seem to gel with are on a visa which forces them to leave 2 years later.
    I’m starting to feel a gap now, and now more than even I feel that I need to be back home with my family… easier said than done πŸ™
    I often wonder why I don’t have the same courage I used to have when I was a child approaching a new kid on the playground! Life would be so much easier! πŸ™‚

    I totally hear Christian’s point about social media. I have a real problem with Twitter. When I see something I like, I love to compliment people, but I’m always scared I’d come across like the one who flatters others hoping to get more followers (hence probably why after 5 months I still only have 388Β± followers?!). So sometimes I refrain from doing it, and get really upset when I see others lavishing people with insincere praises (…somehow you just know when someone is not being genuine…). I’m also not good at expressing myself with 140 characters. So while everyone else seems to be making more and more friends on Twitter, I seem to lose followers whenever someone mentions me in one of their #ww or #ff! How weird!

    For many years I felt you could be content with having my husband as my one and only best of the bestest friend, and in general I am. Really. But as time goes on, I realise that a girl still needs her girlfriends, and I’m dying to make real friends in the wedding industry whom I can talk to freely and interminably about anything weddings related and life in general…

    Lastly, thank you for writing so beautifully! xx Betta

    • Betta – I’m so with you on the Twitter thing, you aren’t alone!! And don’t worry, I’ve been on there an age and still don’t seem to be that successful!

      xoxo

      • Thank you Kate. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who feels that way. It’s funny how even a place like twitter can exacerbate isolation. I do have a really busy life with a day job, trying to set up a wedding planning business, trying to build up my blog, and fulfilling my religious commitments too, so I have a feeling I’ll never make the top 100 wedding tweeters! x

  18. Great post Rebecca. It seems that you’ve hit the nail right on the head.

    I moved with my now husband to a new town 2 years ago. Coincidently one of my closest friends also lives here, so that’s great, but we moved from his uni town where we had a great social life. We always say to each other that we’d both love just one more thing a week – be it another couple to meet for coffee on a Saturday afternoon or separate friends to catch up with.

    I’m one of those girls who really needs female company so I’m working on it. I would say that suggesting a drink or inviting someone round for dinner usually works fine – it might not be the best night of your life but at least it’s something different.

    I have made some blog friends who I’m really enjoying getting to know. It’s such a big part of my life now, I don’t know what I would do without it! xx

  19. I don’t feel I have anything particularly new to add here. Making friends in grown up land is hard and scary. Probably more scary than hard actually, but the thought of putting yourself out there is usually worse than the reality. I think we all need to remember that.

    All my close friends (um.. all four of them), have been made as a grown up, mostly in the last three years and all through work. I don’t regret not keeping in touch with people from my school days, they weren’t much cop to be honest! The good thing about choosing your friends as a grown up is that you really CHOOSE them. You can surround yourself only with the people who truly mean something to you, make you smile, share common interests, are kind to you or whatever values you hold dear in a good friend.

    So Rach, Le, Ruth and Ant, thanks for being awesome friends. Everyone else I’m friendly with, you’re lovely too… and maybe we’ll be better friends one day too, with just a few more coffee’s and maybe a wine or two πŸ˜‰

    Em x

  20. Yet another one who thinks this is a brilliant and very well-timed post. In the new year I’m moving from the city I’ve lived in for 11 years, to live in London. I’ve always, always wanted to live in London but I’m also very scared of leaving the place I live in now where so many of my good friends are literally minutes away. I’ve already started thinking about meeting new people and have promised myself I’m going to do the following:

    -Join a book club (already belong to one where I live now, so why wouldn’t I continue, and hopefully will mean I discover new books as well)
    -Join a knitting club (can only do basic knitting so will also improve my knitting skills along with meeting people!)
    -Do a silversmithing course (I already make beaded jewellery so silversmithing is the next step to me becoming the new Pandora so I can quit my day job πŸ˜‰ )
    -and, if there’s ever a FlorenceFinds meetup, I’ll be there with bells on!

    Oh and Rebecca – COMPLETELY get the ‘all my friends do what I do’ -me too -think it’s an occupational hazard!!

  21. Two ways for me. The wedding industry and also, having a child. My closest circle of friends now in North London are all mums with toddlers the same age as my Max. We see each other a couple of times a week, we may even go away on a group holiday together next year. All my old friends are in South London where I used to live, but that might as well be Scotland for all the contact we have. It takes so damn long to travel across London!

  22. Rebecca, I am also so grateful that you wrote this. It actually makes me feel so much better that I am not the only person with no real full – time friends. I had a lovely time on saturday catching up with my uni-girls but they are scattered around the South East ( and India!) so I only see them every couple of months. I have lovely collegues but I rarely socialise with them – in the nicest possible way I think after 10 hours at work everyone wants to get away from the people they have been around all day. Every so often i think about joining a Netball Team (because it is the only sport I even vaguely know the rules of) or a book group or a choir but I never get round to it. I left uni 6 years ago and haven’t really had local, close friends who I would pop in and have a cuppa with since then! I have never been on twitter – it intimidates me an I dont really understand it. But …. anyone who enjoys reading Florence Finds must be my kinda person and I would totally LOVE to make some friends!
    Thanks again Rebecca and Flo’s Friends.
    Helen xx

  23. Such a good post Rebecca, it’s almost a taboo topic and yet so many of us feel the same way! You really do have to work at sustaining and making new friendships and it is so much harder to make really close friends than it is when you’re not at uni, don’t work full time etc. A couple of months ago i forced myself out of my comfort zone and joined lots of new exercise classes and we’ve all really bonded and i feel like i’ve made a whole new circle of friends. I’m really enjoying all your posts Rebecca and like so many of you i look forward to becoming party of the Florence Finds community xx

  24. Hello all, I’m so with you on this one and think it IS really hard to form those lasting deep friendships as an adult, but not impossible!

    I too have experienced the ‘growing apart’ from friends as I’ve gotten older and people move away, have kids etc.

    Not being in that lifestage just yet, the getting married and having kids bit, well it is hard to find common ground. That’s why I’ve loved what blogging has brought to my life, and the fact Ive now connected with so many like-minded women, who really inspire me and ones I actually want to chat for hours with.

    We are social animals by design and as much as im quite independent and self sufficient, having people to talk to who ‘get you’ is so very important to me. I made a vow to myself last yr to get out more and try new things, to enhance my life and also to meet new people, I’m partway there but this post has reminded me I need to do more.

    On that note FlorenceFriends, it’s lovely to meet you all and I hope we get to do it properly one day and have a good old natter. And if you’d like to connect with me on Twitter come say hi @pocketfuldreams

    Apologies for typos I’m tapping this out with one finger on the iPhone which ain’t easy!!!

    Michelle xx

  25. Hello All,

    Rather late to the party I feel but wanted to add something anyway.

    I am a child of the RAF and had 11 schools before the age of 12, so for me, making friends came really naturally when I was younger. So when Uni came around, all was dandy and I made a lovely group of friends, all of whom I’m still really close to even though we are scattered across the country and my best friend is currently an aid worker in South Sudan! Once I left Uni the job I found myself in was with people much older than me (i’m talking 20-30 years plus older!) so never had much of a connection there. Now, I’m on a teaching training course at Oxford Brookes and I have a lovely group of friends, one of whom lives just a few miles away.

    That gap between Uni and Babies is a very odd one and I wish I had the answer to it.

    Also, for Christian and all your lovely ladies partners: my boy is a web developer and the place where we live is very ‘inbred’ – by which I mean most of the people our age who live here have never left and have all been friends since they were toddlers! Consequently his only ‘friend’ is the guy he used to work for (the reason we moved here) – he can’t/doesn’t play football or really like sport generally, so what I’m asking is do any of you have any suggestions for him as a hobby that doesn’t involve sitting at home (as he’s self-employed and does that all day!)

    xoxoxo

  26. You’ve obviously really struck a chord with so many of your readers which surprises me completely – I thought I was the only one who struggles to make really good grown up friends!

    I have a lovely group of best mates down in London but as I live in Manchester, seeing them is only a few-times-a-year type thing. I moved up here 2 years ago and while I have made some really good guy friends at work and I have my boyfriend who I can talk to about anything, it’s just not the same as having a great girlfriend who totally ‘gets you’. Add to that, I’m American and I sometimes wonder if people just have pre-conceived ideas about what I’m into and disregard me due to my accent… that might be an excuse, I don’t know but I often get met with friendliness that doesn’t end up more than that.

    I also think a lot of the girls I meet (at work or the gf/wives of my OH’s mates) just aren’t my ‘type’ – does that make any sense? Hmmm. There’s a lot of chatter about hair and nails and fake tan and clothing and soaps while I can certainly talk-the-talk about that stuff, I’d quite like to have a mate who will share a great book they just read or how they feel about the Occupy protests or even just how funny the latest ‘Fresh Meat’ was… I just haven’t found anyone here on my wavelength.

    Blogging has been great at connecting me with some fabulous people but it’s always the distance that gets in the way… I would love some friends nearby to meet up for coffee or a drink. I have been thinking of joining a bookclub or something but there never seems to be the time.

    To be fair, I think I just need to get off my arse already and do something about it rather than sit online complaining about it! πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the reminder and for opening this subject up for discussion. It’s really got me thinking which is always a good thing!

  27. Love this post and all the replies, they’ve been so helpful for me as I jet off to America soon, scared s***less about not knowing anyone! Thanks Rebecca, you’re doing an amazing job with Florence Finds. What a lovely community you’re fostering xx

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