Category Archives: Life Stories

2013 in Review Part 1: Career and Family

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In January when I wrote my resolutions post, my fourth goal was a little bit cryptic. I wasn’t quite ready to talk about my plans and it has been a long journey since then, but now I’m finally ready to share and hopefully reassure or inspire some of you to go goal-getting. (You can read about my other resolutions and where I’m up to with them here.)

Here’s what I wrote back in January:
4. The big one… To embrace change and make choices. 2012 was an amazing year for me. Really amazing. In some more obvious ways nothing changed, in less tangible ways, everything did. This year is going to be the year of change I feel. Right now I don’t know what those changes are going to be … I know I will make career choices between paths that are polar opposites.

Back in January, everything was revolving around my work. I had been in a place I was happy (but still as a locum) for a long period, fought some personal demons about my career and work life, and felt ready to commit to full time General Practice. I had decided that this practice was the place I wanted to be long term and that’s no small matter when you are talking the rest of your working life.

What I didn’t know was whether they wanted me. I knew I was doing a great job and fitted in within the team, but in General Practice it’s not just about that. Different doctors bring different skills and you are often looking for a personality, a skill set or even a specific sex of doctor to complement the existing team, (and before any of you chip in about sexism, discrimination and employment law, it doesn’t apply here as I was looking to join as a self employed partner for which the rules are different.) I really wasn’t confident that I ticked all the boxes and the job I wanted was a desirable one, so I knew there would be plenty of potential interest from people who might fit the bill better. As I wrote in January I had decided to sit down, make my intentions clear and find out if there was a future for me there. I didn’t want to hear a negative response, but if there was no future for me there, I knew I had to go looking for it elsewhere.

When I did get a chance to talk to someone, the result was positive about me but very vague about any opportunity. I was gutted and spent about three weeks feeling pretty rubbish and wondering where to go next. I applied for a couple of jobs, felt positive about one and lacked any real enthusiasm for another. The first I didn’t get shortlisted for and the second I interviewed for, then narrowly missed out on the job. I was outraged(!) but relieved, the feeling I had about it had gotten worse and worse as I got more involved.

I decided to stay put, future or no future, it was where I wanted to be and as time went on I managed to muster a shred of optimism which I clung to, while I threw myself back into the job. By April a real solid opportunity had arisen and I hardly allowed myself to consider the possibility of a chance of getting what I wanted as I left to go on holiday, my future hanging in the balance.

You see it wasn’t just about the job. If there was no imminent job, there was nothing stopping Pete and I from thinking about starting a family. Before you guys jump in and say I shouldn’t be basing my decision on work, I felt ambivalent, like fate was due to play her hand. And so she did, as while we were away I was offered the job I wanted. Now I’m super excited to get stuck in, learn about the business side of GP and continue building my clinical experience. It feels like the start of a very rewarding journey.

So did any of you make career or family based decisions this New Year? I’d love to hear how you’re getting on or if my story has given you food for thought.

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS The Reiss Sale Is Now Live!

Never go to sleep on an argument.

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Almost 2 weeks ago now it was Pete and I’s 4th wedding anniversary. When we got married, we asked everyone along with the guest book to write their ‘Advice for a happy marriage’ on little cards and envelopes that we collected in a huge apothecary jar. It was our intention to open them on our first wedding anniversary but we forgot and each time I came across them, or remembered them, it was far enough away from another anniversary that we forgot again. This year I stumbled across them more recently and kept them out purposely so we wouldn’t forget again this year.

And so it was that 4 years later we sat on the bed after dinner and took turns to open them and read the advice. Predictably, there were silly ones and funny ones amongst the lovely advice. I was surprised that we could guess who wrote what, even though most were unsigned and whilst we read them out, laughed and pondered, happy memories came flooding back. Like our polaroid photo guest book it was amazing the way you are transported back to that single day.

Just talk to each other and listen to what they have to say, simple.

Find space in your togetherness.

You are two parts of a whole, cherish each day together like it is your last.

Pick your battles!

Love, care and laugh. Don’t be too serious, but listen seriously.

Forgive one another before being asked.

The most dispensed piece of advice was a recurring theme and several of our guests wrote the same sentence…

Never go to sleep on an argument.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never really bought into that particular piece of advice and there have definitely been occasions when we haven’t followed it. Maybe I’m feeling sentimental but recently it struck me that it’s representative of everything that should be good about a marriage. Forgiveness, rising above day to day trials and trivial gripes because what’s important is that you’re together. Loving someone and making sure they know it every day; that they can go asleep secure in that knowledge every night. Putting your relationship first.  Facing problems and life together as a team.


Image Credit: Raw Photography

I know whenever we have gone to sleep on an argument, I’ve always woken feeling sheepish, the disagreement long forgotten. The reasons I had for feeling angry or exasperated always feel trivial and not worthy of the time spent back turned and without the other for comfort.

So I wondered did you do anything similar at your wedding? Have you ever been given advice for your marriage and like me, has your opinion changed as your relationship grows older? Have you got any advice to share here that you have learned from experience?

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS It’s been a while since I’ve written a personal post – but I’m hoping to write more in the coming months and hope you’ll all join in and add your thoughts in the comments.

Past personal posts…

The Last Taboo

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Last month there was a flurry of baby announcements in my circles, (4 ladies bearing good news, including one set of twins!) after a bumper baby year in 2012. Although often when one hears of a friend expecting it’s wonderful news but not a surprise, amongst the growing number of professional women I know (and readers here,) and pressure to live life to the full these days, it seems more the fashion to be ‘not ready yet’ (as I have heard from so many of you here,) making baby announcements are all the more surprising and unexpected. As we all grow older it’s inevitable that many of us will start to change our feelings towards starting a family and it’s got me thinking, are the least heard words (around the dinner party table, in the blogosphere, between friends even,) ‘we’re trying‘?


Image Credit

Deciding to try for a baby is an intensely personal thing, there may be doubts, wobbles, high hopes, disappointments and surprises along the way, but it’s a stage we all go through, and one that more than likely we go through at the same time as our friends, so why do we keep it secret?

Is it the very real fear that there may not be an end in sight – after all, nobody really knows what will happen until they try… do we want to spare ourselves the gut-aching reminder of another month’s failure when a friend asks if there’s any news, or is it the fear of over sharing and that too-much-information factor of knowing the inevitable result of your friends contraceptive choices hitting the bin?! Perhaps we want to dodge enquiring glances from aunts, cousins, even the nice lady next door?

I can see the appeal of a secret, after all, what could be more special (apart from perhaps that elusive positive test,) than taking a giant leap into the unknown, hand tightly holding the one person who will experience it so acutely with you. And should the worst happen, by keeping the problem between the two of you, no-one has to fear idle gossip about who is the ‘responsible’ party.

I wonder though, is it not easier to have it out in the open? To have a reason to decline that second glass of wine, or not know what your plans are in 6 months time? To have someone to talk to if things are not happening as you expected, someone outside your marriage where tensions and expectations may be high? Perhaps it is my medical background coming to the fore. I see women at all stages of motherhood from contraception to pre-conception, through sub-fertility to conception and talk about it openly. Whatever the news, whether it be a got-it-in-one result or months of nothing happening, I’m never surprised and that naturally extends to my personal life. All of that said, if the time were to come, I doubt I could be so honest here as to share something that remains very much the unknown. Maybe people do share these things with their closest friends and I just haven’t yet been privvy to such an exciting development in my friends lives?

So today I thought I would turn it over to you guys. Would you, (or did you) tell a trusted friend that you were trying to get pregnant, or did you keep it secret? Would you do it differently in hindsight or do you have plans for what you will do when it’s your turn? Perhaps you have friends who handled it in an unexpected way?

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS! As with all personal posts, please feel free to comment anonymously by using Anon or a made up name when filling in the comments box and a fake email address. If you have a Gravatar, remember, your Gravatar is attached to your email address not your name, so if you forget to use a fake email, your picture will still show, even if you use a fake name.

ABC of Dating: N-O

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Even with the fabulous January Joy spurring us all along, there is no getting away from the fact that January is not a fun month. And in the Davey house, this January was no exception. Being paid almost 2 weeks early in December, booking flights to New York and celebrating Stu’s birthday at Dinner by Heston (thanks for the recommendation Vicky, it was A.Mazing!) has meant that we have had little spare cash for dates. In my first piece about our Alphabet Dating adventures, I mentioned that one of the reasons we started this was to help us get out of the take out and box set rut. However, sometimes, those kinda evenings are exactly what you need and over the past few weeks, we have enjoyed many a cosy evening on the couch working our way through series one of The Wire; saving pennies and recuperating :)

We haven’t completely abandoned Alphabet Dating though and have managed to tick off N and O…

N is for Natural History Museum
I’m not normally a huge museum fan but I have always loved the Natural History Museum. Throw some champagne, tapas and live music into the mix and what’s not to love?! On the last Friday of every month during winter, the Natural History Museum opens up after hours. The main hall get’s a lighting face lift with jazzy pink up lighters and bands and small bar areas pop up all over the museum. Not only is the atmosphere fantastic but you can also visit some of the exhibitions. So for our “N” date, we headed down to South Kensington where we stopped off at our favourite La Cave a Fromage (of “C” date fame) for a feast of different cheeses and charcuterie before heading to the museum for a few drinks and to check out the Veolia Wildlife Photography exhibition.

O is for Oxo Tower
I planned our “O” date months ago and had been so excited about it. Unfortunately though, due to all of the snow and rain that we have had this month I had to change it up last minute but I am hoping that I will be able to reschedule it for “U”… The Oxo Tower is a great London landmark complete with a fantastic view over the river. At the top there is a rather fancy restaurant; however, if your budget won’t stretch that far (like ours this month) there is a free viewing gallery and a lovely cocktail bar. For our “O” date, we took a little post work walk along the Southbank and then I treated us to a few cheeky cocktails while we listened to some live jazz and enjoyed the view :)

I have a feeling that February is going to be a similar sort of month as we are both heading off on separate holidays with friends and time is tight but we are hoping to squeeze “P” in this weekend.

I can’t help but notice from Twitter and Instagram posts that a few of you have now started Alphabet Dating with your other halves; I would love to hear what you have been up to!! (Ed’s note: If you are getting involved in Alphabet dating, use the hashtag #AlphabetDating to share your tweets and instagrams with Martha @_Mrs_Davey (and get some inspiration from others who are taking part!)

Love Martha xoxo

#JanuaryJoy – Make some memories

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Today’s prompt is most definitely a January job. It’s got everything covered – tidying up moments from 2012, brightening your day, and making you feel better than the weather! It’s also got the important role of giving me a kick up the behind with things I’m always meaning to do. And I bet if I were to ask you what was in your top ten of things you are always meaning to get around to but never have time, you would say organising all those brilliant photos you spend so much time taking?


Paislee Press

I am the world’s worst at creating photo books. Since the digital age arrived and my photos go straight from camera to computer, I enjoy looking back at them on there but never create anything tangible. After our incredible road trip last year to Yosemite, Sequoia, Death Valley and Vegas, I needed to make an album and I’m pleased to say I’m now midway through finally creating and recording some of my own memories. My go-to photo book creator is Bob Books. You simply download the free software and design away to your heart’s content. If you’re after something a little more text heavy, I believe Blurb is excellent but haven’t ever tried them.

inkifi print instagram images

Since them however, I’ve discovered something even better. How many of you use your phones more than your proper camera for snaps now? Do you use apps for your iPhone or android mobile like Instagram with its cool filters and effects that take an average photo to amazing in 3 seconds flat? Those little snaps are such a record of our lives that they deserve to be preserved in the same way. Plus, I’ve taken some pretty kick ass spur of the moment shots (of my niece for example,) on Instagram and worried that the resolution wouldn’t be big enough to blow up into a print. I have used Firebox before to print Instagram images into polaroid type shots but then I found Inkifi. Specifically for printing Instagram photos, you can make simple prints, canvases, acrylic box framed prints, even greetings cards and montages.

So, have I prompted you into doing something with all those photos? Do you have any companies or services to recommend or do you like a good old fashioned album? I’d love to hear your top five jobs that never EVER get done ;)

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS. How cute is this idea for collating children’s artwork?

#JanuaryJoy – Make a Budget or Savings plan.

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Image via Who What Wear

When I was growing up one of my abiding memories is of my mum checking off receipts against a pile of bank statements. Aways a big list maker, every penny in her bank account was accounted for as it went out and double checked. I always thought it was funny but joking aside, my approach to money couldn’t have been more different to my Mum’s. A child of the credit years I sailed through uni living in overdrafts and student loans, which might as well have been monopoly money. When I finally graduated aged 24 and started work I was incredibly fortunate to have a well paid job and progress through the ranks that saw my salary rise. It wasn’t without hard work of course, but the old adage work hard, play hard could well have been written about junior doctors. Of course there were times that I made budgets, but it was always more of a retrospective activity and an eye opener as to how much I was spending.

However, there have been periods in my life where I have saved, and saved hard, when we bought our house and the most notable being prior to our wedding. At the time we decided we wanted to save a certain amount, worked out how much that was and divided it month by month between the two of us. We managed it but fell back into bad habits after the enforced saving pre-wedding and a few months of treating ourselves turned into years.

Back in July, I wrote the post Dutch no More, where I shared Pete and my financial plans to go fully ‘joint’ in the banking department to try and save money towards our next move. There were 65 comments from those of you reading sharing your own financial arrangements and a few of you asked for a future update on how it went for us. 6 months on I thought it was time to recap.

When we started out, I don’t mind admitting was worried. I was worried we wouldn’t have enough in one account to cover both of our outgoings and our new financially savvy life would be austere and devoid of fun. I got my joint account card and didn’t want to use it. I suddenly felt so much more responsible for my money and accountable for where it had gone. In reality Pete doesn’t tell me what I can or can’t spend and when I have come home with shopping bags thankfully he’s good humoured about it. Those shopping bags are definitely fewer and farther between however. Everything I spend I think twice about and fripperies I might have splashed some extra cash on often go unpurchased. I do think this is in part because of the mental investment I have made in what we’re trying to do, how much I want the next house we’re saving for. The biggest adjustment has been remebering that his account (which we now live off) is not ‘his’ money, but ‘ours’, no more than the money that earn and save is ‘mine’. I joke about shopping bags but Pete reminds me that where I may spend more on clothes, his car costs a lot more than mine to run and maintain, so it all balances out.

It has been surprisingly easy to get used to shake off that feeling of spending somebody else’s money and the most rewarding thing has been that talking about money, previously something we took care of individually, has become a part of our relationship. It’s another element to the best feeling that marriage brings. That feeling that you’re in it together and we’re working towards our future together. And I’m pleased to report our bank balance has never looked healthier so it’s working too. More than anything I’m glad we did this before we had a family. I now have the confidence to know we can manage without my salary and it will be one less adjustment to make if and when the time comes.

Now it’s your turn readers. Did my post 6 months ago inspire you to change anything about your finances or are you, like we are, saving for something inspiring?

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS. I have concentrated on saving here as that is most relevant to me at the moment but if you’re thinking of making a budget definitely head over and read this brilliant article by Sarah on Any Other Woman.

#JanuaryJoy – Plan a Date

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Christmas for me is just about the most romantic time of year. Pete and I got engaged in December and I love spending time preparing for Christmas together. When the 23rd of December rolled around it dawned on me that I wasn’t feeling the romance at all. One of Pete and my worst failings as a couple is not making time for our own relationship. Throughout December we had hardly spent any time together, partly due to no fault of our own (Pete had had 2 nasty viruses wiping out 2 whole weekends and I had had one,) and partly because, as is usual for the time of year, when we had spent time together it had been at parties and other social occasions as part of a group.


Image Credit

Things were so bad that we didn’t get to go shopping together, or to even discuss what we had bought, resulting in us buying multiple presents for the same people on our Christmas lists.

It’s not the first time this has happened of course, everybody has busy times and when it happens to us I know what we need is some time together. I hope lots of you spent tons of time with the one you love over the festive period, but if it actually was a lot of time spent with family, friends and not much planning your hopes and dreams for 2013 with your loved one, now’s your time.

So with that in mind, today’s January Joy is to Plan a Date. Maybe like me your favourite kind of time spent together involves making time to talk. For me there’s nothing better than a relaxed meal to linger over, sharing our thoughts, dreams and worries, making plans together. At this time of year we often sit in bed at the weekend and make lists of holidays we want to take, things we want to do and ways to improve our life together. Maybe you want to shake things up a bit, try something different. Surprise dates are always fun – I once took Pete to a life drawing class as a surprise date – or maybe something ultra romantic. I’m going to plan something for next Tuesday – we both have a day off and I’m going to try and reclaim some of that pre-Christmas romance. I can’t tell you here in case he’s reading though!

As I’m guessing most of your other halves don’t read FF, share your ideas here (I may shamelessly steal some,) or if you’ve ever organised a really random date tell us all about it!

Love,
Rebecca
xo

PS How much fun does it look to build a grown up wendy house for your date – complete with fairy lights?! More low cost/high reward dates…

ABC of Dating: M

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It’s a two post day folks!

This morning, Martha is back to update you on her ABC of Dating adventures which co-incides with today’s January Joy prompt of planning a date. Pop back later for more on that. For now though, I’d love to hear if any of you went to the flicks over the festive period like Martha and what you saw. We saw Pitch Perfect and then Jack Reacher. I’ll let you know what I thought in the comments box later. ;)

So this month’s update is going to be rather short and sweet I’m afraid! December was a pretty manic month with work parties galore and then travelling all over the country visiting family for a grand total of 3 fabulous (but exhausting!) Christmases. Needless to say, all this rather got in the way of our couple time, meaning we only managed to fit in one date…

M is for meal and movie.
I had all sorts of exciting plans for “M”; however, after a busy few weeks I decided to keep it simple with the ol’ meal and movie classic. We started off with a lovely easy dinner at one of our favourites, Jamie’s Italian and then we headed to The Hobbit – I even treated us to extra comfy VIP seats. With this date, even more than the others, it was so nice just to kick back and have some much needed “us” time.

And that’s it I’m afraid – not the most inspiring of dates but perfect for what the two of us needed! But don’t worry, we’ve already got some great dates planned for the coming weeks… :)

Martha xoxo

#JanuaryJoy – Make some Resolutions

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Happy New Year! Today we’re starting January Joy and what better way to start the year than with some New Years resolutions.

I have in the past opted out of resolutions – after all, why save them for a new year? But there’s something clean and fresh about the 1st of January, a blank canvas, a clean slate, ready for new adventures and experiences, erasing difficult times that may have passed and the promise of new beginnings. I like writing resolutions down (who would have thought it?) so I’m going to share some thoughts here, perhaps not very concise resolutions but worth noting all the same. Feel free to join in by adding yours in the comments box.

1. I have been informed by my husband that I must swear less. It is debatable whether this one will make it past Jan 2nd when I return to work.

2. Both of us have agreed to be more tidy. This one falls into the unrealistic but inspiringly aspirational category. I’d like to have the mother of all clear outs and spring clean our entire house but would settle instead for just not having to spend all of Wednesday night tidying so our cleaner Amanda can see the floor to hoover it on Thursday morning.

3. Eat healthier. I’ve refrained from ‘exercise more’ here as I’ll be getting back to my usual BMF routine, but I do need to kick my dietary habits into touch and try to streamline. Being comfortable in your own skin is great but when your clothes tell you you are most certainly not comfortable, it’s time to make some changes!

4. The big one… To embrace change and make choices. Cryptic no? 2012 was an amazing year for me. Really amazing. In some more obvious ways nothing changed, in less tangible ways, everything did. This year is going to be the year of change I feel. Right now I don’t know what those changes are going to be – as much as my vagaries may sound cryptic, I’m really telling you no less than I know myself. I know I will make career choices between paths that are polar opposites. There will be big decisions on the home and family front too and big plans. Fortunately, whichever direction they take me in, I’m excited and as soon as I know more, I promise I’ll spill!

However, with change comes compromise. One of the things I love about Florence Finds is that I’m the boss of it, rather than it being the boss of me. Yet despite my efforts, working full time and putting out 2 posts a day takes it’s toll. I don’t want to give up Florence Finds, because as much as you all enjoy reading it, I enjoy doing it. It make me do things I never would have managed to squeeze in before, from listening to new music and trying new books, to cooking more and completing long-planned DIY projects, even just being more adventurous with my wardrobe. So I’m going to spend January re-evaluating. Instead of posting twice a day, I will be focusing on January Joy as the main post each day. If I have something extra to post then I will but I’m not promising anything extra. By the end of January my future will be clearer and I’ll be able to make more definite changes. I’m trusting you guys to hang on in there!

Now it’s your turn! Share your resolutions, if they’re mundane like some of mine, or life changing. I can’t wait to hear what you’re all planning (and no doubt steal a few for myself!)

Love,
Rebecca
xo

Alphabet Dating… J – L

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This afternoon we have a post I know a lot of you have been looking forward to – Martha’s alphabet dating update. Do share your thoughts if you have been to any of the places mentioned or if you’ve been taking part yourself, let us know how you’re getting on!

Hi all!

It’s me again, back with the second instalment of our Alphabet Dating adventures! I loved reading all your comments last month and hearing that so many of you were keen to try it out. My parents actually gave it a go but my mum despaired after my dad ticked off A for apple juice, B for breakfast, C for cup of tea and D for dinner in one day :) So here’s what we’ve been up to…

J is for Jazz.

Most of our dates recently have been midweek so it was really nice to get all dressed up and go out for a Saturday night (oh God, reading that back it sounds so depressing!) First of all I was treated to a lovely meal at Gordon Ramsey’s The York and Albany in Camden and then we wandered down the road to The Forge where we saw Sax Attack as part of The London Jazz Festival.

I used to play the saxophone growing up and my lovely husband had managed to find a band with 9 saxophonists! We had a fantastic cocktail fuelled evening and I was even inspired to dig out my old alto and music books from our attic (although I have to admit that I haven’t done anything with them since!)

K is for Kew Gardens.

So I shamelessly stole Florence Finds reader Kate’s idea and decided to take the hubby to Kew Gardens. We have been living in London for a few years now and neither of us had ever been. So, a few Sundays ago we woke up to a beautiful sunny morning and made the trek across the city to Kew.

Stu was slightly sceptical about visiting the gardens in November, thinking that we should save our visit for a more colourful season but I am so glad that I stomped my feet and pouted like a small child convincing him otherwise. It was such a perfect cold but sunny day and we spent a few hours wandering around the grounds admiring the gorgeous autumnal colours as well as braving the amazing tree top walkway and visiting the glass house when we needed to warm up :)

L is for the The Lion King.

I was at work suffering with a horrible cold when I got an email through from my hubby with the subject “L is for….” with a huge advert for the Lion King musical pasted below. I literally squealed with excitement (getting several strange looks from others in our open plan office)! I love a good musical but we hadn’t been for over a year ago. The show was incredible (I would definitely recommend it!) and we happily ignored everyone else and sang along to all of the songs rather loudly! We made a bit of a day of it and had a lovely walk along South Bank beforehand and then finished off the day at Laduree in Covent Garden so all in all it was pretty perfect. :)

So that’s were we’re up to and I am quite impressed with us for managing 3 dates in a month – not sure how we’ll do this month with all the Christmas parties etc but I will be back in the New Year to fill you in!

Merry Christmas Findettes!

Love Martha xoxo